rainy

My heart in a knot
2013-02-12 20:57:23 (UTC)

That day again...

So I wanted to come and write about something a bit more significant however right now this is what is on my mind.


This Thursday is valentines day.. it's just a day, and honestly I think if I was in a relationship I wouldn't even feel the need to care, however when ever this day comes around I am reminded that I am SINGLE.


It's everywhere, you can't escape it.. it's mostly a day filled with bad candy and flowers that are going to die in a few weeks, but when you are walking amongst all of it it can be a bit intimidating.

I secretly kind of wish that it could of been on a day I had class then maybe I wouldn't feel so down (and alone), I know that sounds pathetic, but I feel much happier bring around other people on days like that even if I'm not interacting with them.

My plans are to stay home and work on my biology work which I'm behind on since I've been working on my psychology work and procrastinating. I might stop by the grocery store tomorrow after class and pick out something sweet to eat, or I might not since I'm trying to avoid sugar since I've been having stress problems lately.


Even if I had someone to be with I don't even know what we would do..I've said this before but I hate being single.. of course it's not just because nobody wants to be with me, that's not the case at all, the issue is finding someone I'm compatible with. I can be quite picky and I think it comes from my studying and understanding of psychology. For one I don't like smokers.... I also don't like people who curse too much, tattoos, people who drink alcohol, people who smoke, people who watch porn.. things like that.

Then on top of that I have these "requirements", for one, education is first... then I analyze people based on how they act in certain situations, how I see them treat others..etc.. There are a lot of people who I don't feel compatible with, then on top of all that I have height to consider... with me being 4'11" sometimes I feel a bit awkward at the thought of dating someone too much taller then me, ok... so that's not really true, I mean, it is and it isn't. Mostly I feel other people would feel awkward with me in public because of my height, It's one of the biggest disadvantages to my height, I wish I could at least be 5'4" then I would be average..

Anyway...it could be a sobering day, but thankfully I will have my biology work to distract me, plus I don't plan on going out, I might see if I can find a movie to watch to keep me distracted and give my brain a break. My plan is to wait until after v-day to go out and find something cheap for myself, but I might not even do that.


Lately I've been thinking about the tablet I want to get for my birthday in September, it's a good think it's a long way off since it gives me time to really think about it, in the mean time I am figuring out ways I can pay for it. Today I put in a application at a fast food restaurant that is near me, my hope is to find a place near by that I can go work at for very short shifts and eventually have enough saved to buy it, the reason I want to do it this way is because I am the "over-worrier" , I can't help but to feel if I draw money from my savings or food money to buy it and it gets, lost, stolen, or devalued then I'd be devastated and feel like a complete lost has occurred... but mostly I worry about it getting stolen, it's the one reason why I decided to give up material possessions years ago.


However I feel this tablet might bring a little happiness into my life, I do however wish it was cheaper.. I could buy a new lens and camera accessories for the price of that tablet... but like I said, I have a long time to decide if it's what I want to get since my birthday is not until September.

I still haven't started my new position at work...I'm a bit nervous thinking about it only because of what it could bring. I really can't afford being one of the unemployed right now, plus this place is good at working with my class schedule and I have about 2 years to go until I have my bachelors.. then I can move onto even higher learning.


I can't help but to feel a bit sad right now... I think a lot of different things have me down.. so I'm going to go find a way to cheer myself up... lately in my health class we've been discussing the affects of too much stress on the body and I had forgotten how bad it can get, so I really need to find ways to alleviate my stress when it first appears, I can't afford to be sick.




Ad: