rainy

My heart in a knot
2013-02-06 20:59:30 (UTC)

Neurotransmitters

Well... this entry is not going to be nearly as scientific as the title sounds, however I wanted to title it that because I'm so ecstatic to have learned something new that I feel relates to the problems I've been having to my own cognitive functioning.


But before I get into that I want to mention a few things that have happened in the last few days.. First off my car had stopped working again on Sunday after I had gotten it fixed, so my dad had to drive me to work again, and I was once again reminded that having my parents in my life has been a huge blessing but I also need to find other people to bring into my life who can be there for me and vice versa..

So on Tuesday my dad was able to get a friend of his to work on my car, and at the moment my car is working, I say at the moment because I worry it might fail again, today while I was on campus it sounded like my car might cut off and it worried me a bit because I didn't want to be stranded..


So the issue with my car was (and still is) a huge stresser, mostly because right now in my life my car is my biggest asset, without that car I would be deeper into poverty and more susceptible to being used and abused. The stress has has a profound affect on my heart and mind, which is why I also want to talk more about what I learned about neurotransmitters today and how stress is just making things worst for me.


So in the brain we have these electrical signals called Neurotransmitters, they respond to these things called Action Potentials that occur in the brain. There are different types of neurotransmitters that each have their own function depending on what needs to be done. I don't want to go into too many scientific details about how the process works but I do want to detail how functional they are to the brain.

So there is this one neurotransmitter called dopamine, which I'm sure tons of people have heard about even if you haven't studied psychology or biology... anyway it's a very important one because nearly anything can affect it, speaking of which, the huge amounts of stress that I start feeling in different situations are slowly destroying my neurotransmitters.... that's bad because the brain needs a proper balance of neurotransmitters, especially dopamine.


So that depression or sadness I feel sometimes isn't always just "me", it's a issue with my neurotransmitters!


Ok.. so neurotransmitters are really cool and I'm exciting about being introduced to them, although I'm sure I learned about them a long time ago and really don't feel the concept was very concrete to me then because at that point in my life I was more in my own world then the academic world.

I even feel really bad right now because I want to write and explain all the wonderful things about them, however I really don't feel I would be doing them justice. But just know that sometimes if you are sad, stressed out, worried, moody, or a ton of other feelings we have that it's not always just "you", these signals in our brains sometimes aren't working properly... with that said, major problems like eating disorders and suicide can be linked to issues with our neurotransmitters... so consider that before you judge someone with a mental illness or anything.

Now I also thought about something while I was learning about these signals in our brains and it has to do with sex and sexuality.


So, you know how some people smoke? well the reason why they continue is very complex, but one reason is that the nicotine acts as an agonist.

So as I was watching this video about how people get addicted to certain things because they are unbalancing their neurotransmitter levels by continuing these habits, I thought about SEX.


I want to use Tasneem as an example since she was the first person I thought of when I was thinking of this.. Ok.. so she told me she identifies as "bisexual", and far often many people who I've met who seem to identify as "bisexual" often say "I'm simply attracted to both sexes" well I don't think it's just about that. I think it has mostly to do with sex and the release of chemicals in the brain that have been depleted or lowered due to overstimulated, just like the nicotine.


So Tasneem for instance has these desires for women because her brain produces the unbalanced level of a neurotransmitter, and she becomes addicted like a drug.


Ok.. so it's not well thought out, but I have to find a way to test it on bisexual women. This is a very exciting thought for me.. there are a ton of things I want to test and research, but I still don't yet have all the tools or higher level degree to even get started, I'm so behind! why am I behind? because I lack the finances and motivation.

Anyway.. I had to present that in class today, speaking of class, a lot of people were M.I.A today, it really disappointed the teacher which I think is why she seem to have some type of fit during the end of class. I was really disappointed in my presentation, mostly because I had a difficult time articulating everything I had just discovered that I found to be completely fascinating.


I was also left feeling completely different from the rest of society, as I was leaving class I was walking behind a group of girls who were in my psy class and I didn't want to continue walking behind them because they were discussing things about the teachers fit and some things she said in a rude manner, so I was about to cross the street but there was this black car that almost hit me, it wasn't going to hit me because I saw it out the corner of my eye, however before I had the chance to move further out the street a girl yelled "look out", then everyone turned to look at me as if I don't know how to cross the street and was about to get ran over, I didn't say anything I just continued to walk. I really didn't know what to say, and that right there is my problem.

Now as far as the teachers "fit", I could tell she was noticeably upset because many of the students didn't show up and they were supposed to give their presentation on a specific part of the brain, not only that but many of the students were hassling her about the way she was doing things or just being rude in general, every time something like that happens in class I recall I need to take in account their ages compared to me, and even though sometimes I feel I haven't matured since my teen years the truth is I've matured, but certain areas I need more work in then others. I know in time they will understand things more clearer.


Anyway, so it was the end of class and the teacher decides she wanted to go around the room to see who had the textbook for the course and who didn't have the book. Well... I have to disagree with her about her approach, but she was really upset that a lot of student's didn't have the book, not only that but she demanded that they not return to the class next week without the book! .... ok so I understand the book is important, however making a demand like that was a bit out of line in my opinion, for one the book cost $291 with tax, I was lucky enough to have that much left over so I could get the book, but if I didn't have it then I wouldn't of had the book either.


Second off, it is a specially tailored book for the school itself so it's not like anyone could find a cheap used copy online or even a ebook for that matter.


Third, the book is long and tedious, I wouldn't see any harm in two people sharing the same book if they happened to be good friends and could share it evenly. I personally hate when the schools create these "bundles" and specially tailored books, they do it to keep as much money as possible in their pockets, it doesn't benefit the student... I remember my geology class my teacher had a book she wrote herself and we had to buy it, it was just irritating.. plus there are plenty of class I've taken were you don't really need the book as long as you have other resources.


So was the teacher out of line? yes. But it's not like the students made a good argument in their own defense, many of them just mocked her and made the situation worst. I just sat there in the class listening to all this bickering back and forth and I felt really mature, lol.


Anyway.. so right now I'm working on lowering my stress levels and identifying ways I can calm myself when I'm in a stressful situation. Right now I mostly only have diet and exercise.. but I will figure things out hopefully. My assignments are starting to pile up now that the semester is in full swing. I have my biology assignment that I'm going to try and get done all in one day tomorrow, then I have a "take home" exam.. (interesting) that is due next week in my psychology class.. I think I'm ok in my health class right now, I'm really glad I decided to take this health class..

Other then those things not much has been happening in my life, sean did stop by again on the 31st, and I don't think I wrote about it, anyway this time he came at night and it scared the crap out of me.. only because I didn't know who was out there until I peeped out the window and realized it was him, the dogs were barking like crazy and I saw him standing out there, it almost seemed like he could see me peeping at him out of the window, I noticed his body language as he walked away and he was noticeably nervous/scared being out there in the dark with the dogs barking, and something peeking at him out of the window. He hasn't been back since then, and I hope he doesn't come back either.


I haven't started my new position at work yet, but I hope in the next 2 weeks it happens.. this is going to be interesting what ever happens when I make this transition.


Oh yea... this might sound kind of silly but I've been doing something to try and help out my cognitive functioning and social skills a bit, and that is talking out loud everyday for at least 30 minutes.. I think I'm feeling some improvements but only time will tell, I just want to be an excellent speaker... I feel my writing can be very strong and elegant when I put in the effort but when I try to speak the same thing it all just turns out terribly wrong and I sound like a child.. that's what had happened in my presentation in my philosophy class at my old college.


Well, this entry is long enough, and possibly quite boring, so I'm going to end it, I really want CHANGE by the way, not just change in me, but change in everything... things I don't like about myself and improvements I want to see in the world.. I don't want to get all philosophical right now but maybe I'll write about it in my next entry.




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