rainy

My heart in a knot
2013-01-16 21:55:35 (UTC)

Class!!

So today I experienced all of my classes on the same day : )

I have to tell you my psychology class is very interesting, I looked at my classmates and got to know them a little bit when they introduced themselves and I saw a trend, and I saw that many of them come from similar backgrounds as myself which I think has drawn them to psychology. I'm talking mostly about broken families.. it's like many of them are searching for the answers and they hope that the field of psychology has the answers.


So I can already tell it's going to be a very interesting class, I've also felt compelled to open up and be more assertive and less bashful. Today I was the first to have to introduce myself, not because I volunteered but because I happened to choose a seat in the very front of the class and the girl adjacent to me was very reluctant and the teacher noticed it... but I didn't feel the same amount of nervousness that I felt when I was younger as I stood up and introduced myself, I've really grown and developed a lot from the person I use to be.


Some of the students in the class I feel I easily could stereotype.. and maybe even question their interest in psychology, but they are so young there really is no telling who they might blossom into. I feel old compared to them... lol.. but it's not a bad feeling, I'm starting to feel the need to have this level of maturity and to help nurture young minds to strive for the best... if anything I'm going to do my best to make this a pleasant learning experience for anyone who has to work with me in a group or team project.


Another thing I'm loving so far about this university is the ample amount of short petite girls like me!! I think after so much time feeling alone about my height and size it feels like such a relief to see so many short petite women everywhere... and many of them height is not the first thing you notice, but it is noticeable..

So I'm expecting great success this semester! my online class so far has proven to be very effecting in my time management needs and I also enjoy being able to have extra time to work on things so I absorb the information better.. One thing I did realize is that my spelling and handwriting are still a bit off... I feel like nearly everything I have written in the last few years has been by computer so I always had the luxury of spell check and a thesaurus. But today while doing a quick assignment in class I noticed I might have miss-pelt a few words and that my hand writing was a bit sloppy although I do feel I've made some improvements.

I can't wait until the weather starts to warm up a bit, I think then I will take the time to explore the campus a bit more.. today I had the chance to do that because there was a light drizzle so I was under my umbrella while walking to the psychology building...it was under the safety of my umbrella that I was allowed to daze off at things that I found interesting.. I know that might sound weird but I often take the time to notice very small details, much like a photographer looking for a good shot. And I just felt if I didn't have that umbrella people might of thought I was lost or maybe just strange looking.. I really hope to get some good photos while I'm there though...there is one shot in particular that I want to get from the building I'm in for psychology class, I tried to take a shot with my cell phone but I really think I will need my DSLR for this shot. The shot is on the top floor out of the window.. it overlooks the athletic field.. and it's just nice.. at least the way I see the shot in my mind..

Oh yea.. my psychology teacher is pretty funny as well. So that's two teachers with a nice sense of humor which is always nice.


Now... before I go on any further about my classes and the university in general I want to mention something kind of important.


I finally got sean out of my life! well... sort of lol. If you don't know who sean is then he is the guy who filled up most of my entries in about 08-09, I thought I was in "love" but I didn't know anything back then lol.. so yesterday I just got fed up.. lately he's be writing me a lot I guess trying to get back into my life... it's funny because I thought for a long time that I needed him, because he seemed to be the only one willing to hang out with me and things... now I realize that he was just hanging out with me for his own insecurities..


So I deleted him from facebook, then blocked his phone number.. I really hope he doesn't try to contact me any other way... you know what? I really feel my new feminist views have fueled my decision to remove him from my life.. when I think of how things went at work, then that night at his house and how he treated me... and many other things.. I just realize that the new more enlightened me doesn't like him..


I'm a bit curious of how his response will be when he realizes that I deleted and blocked him...I don't consider myself anyone who is worth getting angry over but I really don't know what to anticipate. I'm happy thought that I've made this decision.. some people are just bad for you, and you have to let them go.


It makes me think about Tasneem.. was I bad or good for her? and was she bad or good for me? I enjoyed talking to her, but many things about her also confused me and made me upset.. it's like she has good and bad qualities and I enjoyed getting to know her.


It seems very difficult to know who is bad or good for your life. I feel as I've gotten older that I am better able to determine who is bad or good for my life.. for instance when I saw my old best friend from middle school at the mall one day.. I could tell she wanted to get back into touch with me, but I could also tell she was going to be bad for my life... or maybe I just haven't reached the level of maturity I want yet. Some people are just better in the past and we are shaped by them and that is all we need. I feel a strong need to continue to try and make Tasneem apart of my future.. I can't explain it.. maybe it's just infatuation..

Now that I'm saying all this I can't help but to want to make photo quotes.. but I haven't been using my camera like I keep saying I will.. but hopefully tomorrow I will... or at least charge the battery..lol


So I wonder what's in store for me in these next few months. I wonder what I will learn and take away from my first semester at this university.


I think my writing will start to improve...and I've already notice a improvement in my overall self-image and outlook on life, just by simply being around these people and experiencing something new. I have to make up for the developmental milestones that I never achieved, I have to make up for the faulty schools that I attended and the insufficient diet that hindered me from reaching my maximum potential. I have to be the best I can be so that I can too achieve the goals I have in my mind.. and I have to stay alive and keep money in my pocket during this entire process lol.

That's life.




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