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2012-11-04 07:56:46 (UTC)

Letters to you.

I guess it's been a long time since I last wrote anything here, and it appears the only time I write something here is when i'm not doing well as that's the case once again.

Suz and I broke up on friday, we got engaged last year, but I guess we weren't happy.

The thing that i'm finding really hard right now is the fact that it was a mutual break up, we both agreed we weren't making each other happy and yet we both said that we love each other and don't want to lose each other.

So I guess on one side I kinda feel like it has to happen and if we're not happy, then it's better we break up to allow ourselves to actually be happy but with other people.

On the other side i'm just like, wtf was the point of us breaking up. If we both love each other, don't want to lose each other then like, wtf?

We're best friends and we want to stay friends, but staying friends won't work right now as we've just split up, and not to mention we're still in love with each other, again wtf did we break up?

I guess I have a lot of thoughts in my head right now that don't even make sense, i'm still trying to understand why there was any need to break up to begin with. I guess if we're not happy and eventually we'll end up in the same place having the same argument then maybe it is better to let each other go and try and be friends.

I find the simple things right now are hitting me pretty hard, I don't really think the break up as a whole has really hit me. So many memories in this house, so many objects that have significant meaning to them. I don't know what to do without you here, i'm fucking broken.

I'm writing again these letters to you, aren't much I know. But i'm not sleeping and you're not here, the thought stops my heart. I want you to know that I miss you, I miss you so.