2012-09-23 03:32:44 ( UTC )
:'(
Oh god I'm going through all over again. I don't know what I am expecting... it just
sucks. There's so many stuff that I wrote to him but he only replies me back with a few
words. I need him because my world is only good when I'm talking to him. Aren't I just so
needy? If only I'm happy by myself...which I don't because I'm always worry that I'm a
loner which I am. I wish I have more friends, then it wouldn't be hard at all.
I couldn't really sleep deeply because I feel like everytime my concious comes back from
my dream, I would be so unhappy, feel like bursting to tears, breathing so heavily to
prevent that from happening, wanting to know if Sam has found me. My mind just keep going
over and over again on Sam. It makes me really want to check my computer if he had found
me. But I know I usually end up disappointed then cry so badly for a while then stopped
crying because all of the thought is what I thought yesterday and just want to make myself
stop this unhappiness. Lately, the progress of making myself to stop the happiness has
come faster. I just hate it. I can't even fully have a goodnight sleep because my mind
just keep wander around him. Even in my dream he was there, which makes me instantly think
about him when I woke up. That's why I have been waking up so early everyday and only got
late for 3 days so far.
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