2012-08-21 12:02:19 ( UTC )
No expectations....
I’ve been feeling like embracing my loner side lately. I have very few friends but
they’re some, I’m trying hard to make new ones but I always seem to screw it up
somehow. Right now I just want to be my own best-fried for real no talking, I want to lift
my-self up when I am down, I want to use positive words to describe me (like tenacious, or
driven), I don’t want to put myself down, body or weight included. I need to just learn
to love me… fully. It’s hard to know who to trust these days but if you do it right
the one person you can really trust is you, the one person who can’t really let you down
is yourself.
I am trying hard not to have expectations of others anymore. Especially the ones who show
that at time they’re priorities are elsewhere. I know it’s not fair, because
nobody’s perfect but that’s why I cease to have them. Expectations just breed
disappointment; the only one I feel I should have them of really is myself...
On a side note I went out with my sister Venessa on Sunday… it was nice and she really
seemed to enjoy it. I have had a lot of trouble connecting with Venessa and that needs to
be remedied. I mean just because she doesn’t show if something affects her in the
traditional way doesn’t mean that she should be ignored, or treated like a viper. She is
hurting but also very smart, somewhat like me only to the extreme. She will sabotage
herself in ways my mind can’t even comprehend. I can’t try to help her, but really and
truly I can’t even help myself, so I do the next best thing… listen, give of my time.
We had pedicures, and I introduced her to sushi! Lol it was really nice, I ate too much as
it was a buffet, and really enjoyed me some Saki. Yummy. But its back to the grindstone my
body needs to be healthy and alcohol detracts from that. , so no more drinking every day,
maybe once or twice on the weekend. We’ll see how that goes…
I am having dinner with my cousin Anthony!! I am so excited. See we used to be very close
growing up then… well time and moving around happened and we drifted apart. It was
harder on me than him because he was kind of my idol growing up, like the big brother I
never had, I practically worshipped the ground he walked on haha. He’s just a cool guy
who knows what he wants, and is so easy to be around, anyways his band is playing in my
town and I am really excited to see him play. Music is his thing, his outlet his passion
and it just takes him to another place level and I can’t wait to see him play.
I may go to NY to see my other cousin Ayeola. I really hope I can. I may get a car from
the people I used to babysit for exciting since I need one. Lol and, and that’s about it
for now…. My heart is... it is, focusing on me which is a good thing I think.
That’s all folks til next time,
Kay
View printer friendly version