2012-08-06 16:00:29 ( UTC -4 )
The week ..
I don't expect it will be an overly joyous one. First I have bronchitis .. since a week
ago this past Sunday. Although I've gone to the doc and got a shot and antibiotic I still
cough my head off and pee my pants. Lord it sucks being a girl. Who knew I'd have to
depend on Depends at 54. Aye ..
The cat and dogs have settled in very very well. All sleep together and Jack, the kitten,
is extra special. He caught his first mouse a few weeks ago. Not sure I mentioned that.
What a fiasco .. funny story. I just don't feel like writing it right now. But maybe I
wrote it already I'll have to look.
Not writing here every day makes you wonder what you said and what you didn't.
If the doc says okay .. I'm have a d and c and an imblasion?? to take care of female
issues. That happens on Friday and again I feel saddened as I have to depend on others to
get me to and from the place. No driving. Silly rule .. only have 5 blocks to go. Seems
I could manage that just fine. But .. no dice.
2nd year of John's death concludes on the 9th. I don't cry about him as often .. but when
I do cry it's very bit as hard. What I wouldn't do to smell his scent and feel his hands,
hear his voice .. something. I know it isn't going to be. The shred of evidence that he
was ever in my life is a few shoe boxes of pictures and memorbilia and my memories.
My loneliness reminds me of him too. He would be totally unhappy with lots of things.
Jack for one, he hated cats. And some of my game playing on line .. he would frown at. I
play second life. We both did. I was unable to return to sl after his death, when he was
alive and we played the things we did together like Relay for Life and such was wonderful.
When I tried to play after his death it was too painful to long for something that
couldn't be. For 1 1/2 years I didn't play. Then when I got in my new place I started
going in again. Now I play the game doing something totally out of character and emerge
myself in rp that has nothing to do with anything I've very done before.
I wondered if this was avoidance of the processing I'm going to have to do forevermore.
But instead I think it's the one place I feel I can go and just be whomever I want to be
and do whatever I want to do with no connection to the here and now .. or the then and
Still following you all .. don't think I'm not. My life is just tuggin along as best it
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