rainy

My heart in a knot
2012-07-18 02:23:55 (UTC)

Stupid sister

So my sisters involvement with this criminal continues, keep in mind this guy has been in a jail cell since 2005 and has never gone out with my sister yet she claims she is so "in love" with him and getting married to him.


All of his records are public information, I was just on the website and he has a recent offense of "Gang activity" keep in mind this is a month ago.


I'm extremely frustrated because my sisters stupid decision to talk to this guy is not just putting herself in danger but my entire family including me. This guy is manipulating her and she is falling for every bit of it.


It just doesn't stop there either, she is funding him as well, paying for his things and buying him things like cell phones. My sister cannot afford to take care of herself, she is already in debt of over $1,000 with owed taxes and other things.


I'm starting to really hate her, she clearly has problems. It's not just that she is dating this guy but her room is filled with alcohol. Her life is just going in a downward spiral and I feel she is trying to take me with her.


Ok.. now just for the record I am not trying to sound like the over critical younger sister, but here I am trying to survive in this crazy world, I have no debts, no issues with the law, a high school and college diploma, and I'm going to university soon. I am working hard to be successful in a society that let's many women fail. And my sister is the complete opposite.

I'm going to list this guys felonies:

BURGLARY 2ND DEGREE
COMMON LAW ROBBERY
POSSESS WEAPON
POSSESSING STOLEN GOODS
ASSAULT ON FEMALE
DRUG PARA - USE/POSSESS
COMMUNICATING THREATS

Keep in mind all of these happened since 2005 and is not the full list of infractions. His most recent was last month where he was caught in gang activity, he is also been caught with a "Audio/image device", I am assuming that is a cell phone, and I assume they are not allowed, but do you know who is supplying him with these cell phones??? my sister!

I am hating her so much right now. Mostly because my parents are expecting me to live with her when we move, I honestly don't want to live with her I just think she has too many problems and is going to get me involved in them.


It just pisses me off because she is one of the stupid women who fall for guys like this, it is almost inevitable that she will end up falling victim to him (murder) in due time if he is released, and even then he already has all her personal info and could send someone after her if she tried to end the relationship.


She is possessed with him, she is gullible and suffering from mental illness and possibly advanced FASD (fetal alcohol spectrum disorder).


And through all of this my parents seem to not even care, I've taken on my own investigation so I am informed and can protect myself. In her room there are tons of money orders that she has made for him, she funds him and pays lawyer fees...etc


It's really starting to piss me off because my parents seem oblivious, they already know about him, I even was concerned enough to show them things they didn't know. There reaction was "he's not getting out any time soon" (his projected release is in 2016), but with my sister paying all these lawyer fees he could be out sooner.

She's crazy!!!!!!!!!!! she is pissing me off so much with how she is! I can only say I hate her.


If you think I am being too critical with what I am saying then you really are not understanding the situation. Thousands of women fall victim every year to senseless violence from guys like this, they are the women you hear on the news: "body found"..etc.. this guy is manipulating her from a jail cell, he talks about "marriage, love..etc" Tell me how on earth can two people be in "love" when they have never even gone out on a date?? he writes her thousands of letters!!!! and she falls for them, he has nothing better to do all day but write and manipulate her.

And here is the thing... when someone tries to talk to her about him she gets defensive!!!


I'm trying to figure out the best way to fix this, or really just insure I am not involved with her, but the issue is that because I lack a social foundation I really don't have the network of people I need to move out on my own and be successful.

The only thing I can think of is completely removing her out of my life and to go into hiding from her.

My parents really are pissing me off in this as well because they sit at home ALL DAY watching TV and doing nothing, they don't even take the time out to have a conversation or intervention with her, it's like they simply don't care. They allow these letters to keep pouring in and they do nothing about it... they have a "it's your life" mentality and I have nothing to do with you now.

That's the thing that pisses me off about my parents lately, I realize that their role as "Parents" has been to simply raise Christian children, they have taken no initiative or shown any concern for our emotional wellbeing or personal growth.


Just yesterday my dad asked me when was I going to university? he simply wants to know WHERE and WHEN, he has no concern from my major or how I'm going to pay for it or get by on my crappy salary.


My parents are completely oblivious to everything going on around them. Lately I've been upset with them when I think back on how we were raised and what they could of done to help insure our success in life yet they chose to do nothing. And by that I am not saying they are responsible for everything, but the truth is they had the means and could of at least shown some concern for our future. That's in part why my sister is in this disastrous situation now.

I've grown so much over the years and I see my parents in a completely different light. I realize now that they have all these awards and recognitions yet they only do it to make themselves feel special. I use to think my dad was great and that he knew a lot, but then I grew up and educated myself and realized that a majority of what he says are lies. He often falls for "get rich quick" schemes and makes bad financial decisions.

My mom has made a lot of achievements, and overcome a lot in life but sometimes I think she has a ugly personality, she can say some of the most ignorant things and puts on a "face" around other people, she has been a school teacher all her life but I question her love for children, I sometimes wonder if she even likes children or if she got into the career just to have prestige or job security. My biggest dislike of her are the decisions she made for us as children and her lack of concern for our higher education and success in life.

To other people my parents may seem like these great, successful people but they are emotionally distant seem to lack emotion in general.


I can understand it as far as being a young couple in the 70's and how they must have felt when they realized they could not conceive. I can even understand my adoptive mom being distant and having this disdain approach to motherhood. I didn't realize we were a dysfunctional family until I got into my teen years and I was struggling emotionally and academically.


Did I mention my parents do not hug! over the years I have seen little affection from either of them and I can't help but to wonder is it solely the way they were raised?? what went wrong for them?

I learned when I was about 13 that my adoptive mom held a bit of contempt towards us.. I would even say at some points she has regretted adopting us, and I can understand it that far, because I can put myself in their shoes and try to imagine what it's like to want children of your own but to have to resort to adopting.


As adopted children we had problems, mostly academically and emotionally and at some points my mom tried to help academically but emotionally I will aways remember her as being distant and hard.


I hope it doesn't sound like I'm criticizing my parents too harshly. I always have a difficult time explaining how I feel about them and trying not to make myself sound ignorant or ungrateful. The thing is that I am grateful, and I understand that there are a lot worst parents out there, but still a part of me feels that they took on the role of parents because they felt they had to based on society's standards, to be a childless couple back then might of looked strange.. I can't help but to feel they adopted us for the wrong reasons and have held regret because of that and it has projected on to us.

I think my mom needs to talk to a professional about how she feels, she seems to find all her comfort in religion, I know it would even be taboo from my parents prospective to see a mental health counselor, they simply are so entrapped in the stigma of what a mental health professional means that they reject it completely, but the reality is that Psychologist help people cope with the harshness of life and reality, there is nothing wrong with talking to a professional, that is why I am going into this field.

I know little about her life, or even my dad's life because there has always been very little communication between us, even as children they never spoke to us about their personal problems. I know she had a good friend who died of cancer, had she not died our life would be different right now because when she died it broke off a lot of the ties we had with her daughters and church life.

She also lost her mom in about 2003, she showed very little emotion during that time, you would almost think she didn't care... and then she recently had the passing of her younger sister, my aunt who I knew little about.. I heard her crying but other then that she seems to have moved on quickly... it's strange to me. They are at a age where they are attending more funerals then weddings.


They are at a stage called "Integrity Versus Despair" in the life stages of development, my dad keeps talking about life insurance and it seems like he's trying to make up for lost time and conversations between us. I'm worried about not being there for them when they are really old.. mostly because my sister is acting crazy and her life is going in a downward spiral so really they only would have me to depend upon.


But I want to get away... I want to get away from this city and this life, I hate that I feel unsatisfied with how my family is, I hate that all around me I see people making bad decisions, I feel everyone is unstable but me, yet at the same time I feel the most unstable.. at least emotionally anyway.


When you really read between the lines of this entry you will find that the focus is really death and my fear of it. I fear for my sisters death by her stupid actions and decisions and I fear for my parents death by old age or my sister's stupid decisions.. and of course I fear my own death from senseless behavior. We are not a happy family.


My life right now is unsatisfactory... I want to run from these people I see around me, I want to run from ignorance, I want to run from my own reality and who I am as a individual and my place in society.


Right now the biggest thing I want to run from is my sister because she is only making things worst.


I want to stop writing because it's nearly 5am now and I have to get up at 8am because I have a class in the morning, I'll be running on just about 3 hours of sleep when my day gets started.. I woke up around 3 and couldn't get back to sleep so I decided to come write, I think the issue with my sister is just stressing me, plus my parents are stressing me.. I want to eliminate stress! but it follows me.


I just keep thinking what can I do and where can I go that I can just get away from it all? there is no safe spot.


Ugh.. I'm going to hate myself in about 2 hours when I need to be getting up and ready for class, I hope this won't affect my performance in math.. as much as I want to say I'm over worrying I think right now what I need to do is focus on not worrying, I need to get the que sera sera mentality, I need to focus on positive things going on in my life right now like me being done with one of my degrees and passing math. One thing I can say about this situation is that it is forcing me to appreciate life more, I focus more on being friendly and having a greater understanding that life is precious.. I'm thinking about that with the idea of all the people I see at work and how I never really hold conversations with them, I realize that they have stresses in their lives too, and one way to relieve that is by talking to people and having a good laugh, I'm thinking about one woman in particular; Melissa, she is a nice woman and I'm sure she has had stresses in her life but she seems to be very strong and I need to take the time out to talk to her more because at work she was one of the first people to show any interest in me at all.

Well.. I'm not really that sleepy but I'm going to stop here, I notice my spelling and grammar is off in this entry, I've fixed about 4 mistakes already and the only reason I'm making them is because it's late and my brain needs to rest..






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