2012-07-18 02:23:36 ( UTC )
never good enough :(
So I hung out with Zeke tonight and I totally blew any chance of ever being with him
because of my stupid shyness. I really hate myself. We were watching a movie at first, but
I didn't really say anything cause I didn't know him that well and I couldn't think of
anything to say so then he just asked me to come in to his room and we were listening to
music and I still wasn't saying anything really so he just started making out with me and
after only making out like 10 minutes he was just like "I should be honest with you I just
got out of a long relationship and I don't want another one any time soon." and I was just
like "ok." And then he was like well I'm about to go to bed now and just got up and walked
to the door and signaled for me to follow him. He opened it up and said "see ya" and I was
just like "yeah see ya." He didn't walk me back or even kiss me like last time.
I doubt he was really gonna go to bed. Nobody goes to bed at 10 in college. And I do
believe he just got out of a relationship because that's consistent with what his Facebook
says, but I think that he just used that as an excuse and if he really liked me it
wouldn't matter. But he didn't. I wasn't even there a full 30 minutes and that's all it
took for him to decide I'm not someone he could ever be with.
So here I am sitting on my bed typing up this entry, tears streaming down my face. This
isn't unusual. I cry almost every night over how much I hate myself and how I always
manage to fuck up every single little good thing that's about to happen in my life and how
I'm never good enough for any guy ever. So tonight's really no different. The only
difference, I have one more name to add to the already long list of guys I was never good
enough for...
View printer friendly version