2012-07-18 01:51:35 ( UTC )
I'm a submissive female (if you didn't already guess). *sigh* I don't know what else to
say. This is all new to me. The journaling, not the submissiveness. I've know that I've
been submissive since I was 13. I've had a lot of stuff bundled up inside me and they need
to get out. I mean, who do you talk to about this kind of stuff? It's not like I can just
tell my best friend about how (although I'll be the first person to stand up for women's
rights) I get a natural high by giving up my control to the right man. I tried confiding
in my stepsister about my submissive urges when I was first discovering that side of me.
She was no help at all, calling me crazy, saying I was stupid, ect. She even went as far
to call my psychotic and telling me I was messed up. That's definitely not the support I
needed when I was already questioning my sanity. For a while, I even started to believe
something was seriously wrong with my mental state. I know better now. But her "support"
led me to bad habits with dangerous consequences. (I'll get to that in a later entry.) The
fact is, I'm still helpless without anybody I can confide in, and there are somethings
that you just can't tell your boyfriend/Master directly. (Now that I actually have a
Master ^_^ ) I figure that writing this journal will help me to understand myself better
as a person. So I can look back on how far I've come, and I actually wish I had started
sooner. My boyfriend/Master knows that I'm keeping this journal and he's fine with me
keeping it to myself... well, keeping it away from his eyes. He knows how much it means to
me to get my emotions out, and he respects the little amount of privacy he gives me.
*giggles* Well, that's all I've got for now. I really hope this journal helps me through
my submissive journey.
Thanks- Submissive A
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