rainy

My heart in a knot
2012-07-12 21:55:20 (UTC)

Things

So my computer is still not restored, and I'm still feeling the effects of karma.. "K" hasn't tweeted all day..


I still feel a bit uneasy about the situation, maybe even more so because I don't know what's really going on.

Oh I made an "B" on my math test yesterday : ).. I could of done better but I made a bunch of little mistakes which resulting in points off, which added up quick, nearly all of those issues were with dividing my factions out.. it's just the set up, when you divide a fraction with another fraction but you also have to get the common denominator and distribute... it all just got confusing quickly which is why I messed up. There was another problem that I knew clearly how to do which was finding F(x) of F- , but I made one tiny mistake and it messed the entire problem up!! thankfully our teacher is forgiving and only took off half the points instead of all of them. That's the thing I hate about math, if you make one tiny mistake in some problems it can mess the entire problem up.


I think the more I start to think about this situation I'm in the more uneasy I get, my mind is just wondering into the possible outcomes that could happen in the next 3 weeks. I wanted to write more in detail that would help me explain my actions better but it's too late now and I'm not as motivated. I just know that I'm starting to not feel the same anymore.. it's weird.. the last month I've been so deeply in love and was determined to do anything to talk to her but now it's like I don't care as much if at all. I don't feel the anxious feeling that I felt a few weeks ago, when I would walk into the class and my blood pressure would rise or when Thursday would come and I would feel anxious the entire weekend waiting for Monday to come so I could see her again. I don't feel that anymore.


I do still feel things but they are not near as strong as before. Maybe I was right about infatuation.. and maybe now it's over.. or so I think.. I think if we had the chance to talk face to face it would all come pouring back and I'd be overcome with excitement.


I like the feeling of being in love.. but I don't like the extremes that I go to or how I act sometimes. It seems to almost always get me in trouble. I wish more importantly that people could understand it.

Another thing I was thinking about today was my changing family.. how much I miss the old traditions we use to have and our get togethers. I started to think about the possibility of having my own family someday and wondering what I would pass on to them.

I've been feeling more comfortable with my sexuality lately.. I am starting to feel more and more that I am not either way, I think I'm am truly seeking love because I want to know what it feels like and I guess I just don't care if it's with another woman. Of course I really don't know, I just care less over all.


Tomorrow I have a short work day, I will go in at 10 and get off around 3. On Saturday I have a longer shift, then on Sunday I have another short shift, which is not too bad because I have my last math project that is due on Tuesday, and I am expecting to get another "A" because it's not that hard and I would like to maintain a "B" in the class, I wish I could have an "A" average right now but I bummed out on that first test with a "C".

I feel like my writing lately has been all over the place, I jump from subject to subject.. I think my mind is just everywhere lately with the ending of the semester and me planning on different things, for instance I'm moving soon, and I'm working on getting into the new university, I'm also dealing with my emotions and "K".. my work hours were stressing me but now I realize it's ok for now that I have short workdays.. but when I move out I will need more constance hours in order to pay my bills and utilities. I'm just happy to have a job right now in this economy, I know in the long run if I keep working at my education it will pay off.


I've also been thinking about my childhood and my childhood friends, how we have all grown and matured.. I don't like where I'm at right now in life, but hopefully in the next few years that will all change.

well I'm getting up at 8 tomorrow so I better head to bed..




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