That_Gurl

Soundtrack 2 My Life
2012-07-06 00:02:30 (UTC)

The Optimistic Pessimist

"I'm fifteen for a moment..." These are the starting words of Five for Fighting's song "100 Years" (great song, btw), and they bring tears to my eyes. Maybe it's cause I'm a bit emotional, maybe it's cause I'm a big crybaby. But most definitely because the lyrics are true. They make me realize how time flies, and everything I've said or done, cannot be prevented or turned around. As I said before, the past is inevitable...
Anyway, time runs away from you. I was talking to one of my friends yesterday. I had told her about one of my recent piercings, and she seemed to get a little upset (old-fashioned, you see..). She said I had "changed", and that I wasn't the same girl she once knew. I told her as we age, we change. We also discussed our freshman and sophomore years, neither of which we hardly remember. It's as if we have been in high school for only a couple of months.
Now, I know I'm still very young; I'm not even twenty yet. But I remember my childhood, as odd and broken as it was, like it was yesterday. Everything I've said or done, cannot be reversed. The past is inevitable..
It depresses me, knowing things have happened that I have no control over. I am no "control freak", but I do like having the reins in certain situations. Doesn't everyone?
My life, which may seem better or worse than yours, sometimes might be spinning out of control, and I have no idea how to get a hold of it. It feels like I'm being thrown into the ocean, and told to swim to the nearest beach on my own. At times I feel like just quitting, not caring anymore. But that wouldn't be fair to the people who truly care.
Someone told me once that I was an optimistic person, whereas another said I was pessimistic. I do expect bad things out of life. The worst will happen, regardless of what you and me want. You think good is gonna come your way all the time? No. Never. Not for anybody, even those whose lives seem "perfect". But then again, you gotta pick up the bad stuff, and do something good with it. You gotta be the optimistic pessimist. I do too. All of us...
Like the name of one of Atmosphere's (a rap group, look them up sometime, they actually make sense) albums. "When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That Sh!t Gold".
Paint it gold. It's a piece of crap, I know. But you gotta paint it gold...




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