rainy

My heart in a knot
2012-06-29 23:03:16 (UTC)

Emotional - _ -

So I don't know if I mentioned this or not, but the girl who I have been having feelings for and feeling anxious around in my gym class has been talking to me, but not the "real me".. anyway.. tonight I got very emotional and stopped our conversations because I hated how I have been acting this entire time. I think I did what I did because I was so afraid of rejection..


Anyway.. if she has not dropped the class I will try to fix things. I will know by Monday if she has dropped or not. We will only have 1 day of class next week since the 4th of July is a national holiday, so I'll be out of classes and off work!!! Sean invited me to a cookout, I don't know yet if I'll go, you know what else?? I've been talking to people on facebook and making friends, well sort of... I added my cousin from the birthday party and now she wants me to do her engagement photos!!!!


I was so happy she asked me because I've really wanted to start taking more photos and of actual people!!! I hope I don't sound really lame but I've felt so disconnected from people in the last few years and now I'm starting to feel a little more connected.


Oh yea.. I want to mention this about the girl in my gym class.. I found out why her name was so unique, it's because her name is a combination of her mothers and fathers name... : ) Isn't that sweet?? I told her I thought her name was beautiful and asked her how her parents came up with it and that's what she told me : ) her name is so unique which is why I don't post her name here like I do everyone else's, I want to put her name in here for reference but I'm worried someone might try to search her out then write her and tell her I've been writing about her... then she'd find this and my life would be over... lol ok.. no but it would be embarrassing! I can't remember the alternative spelling that I came up with for her so I had just been calling her "K" to distinguish between the last person I was writing about how's name was Kay. I can tell it's confusing..


Anyway.. I don't know what to do.. I was really emotional tonight and stopped texting her, I think it's the best thing to do.. If I'm going to talk to her I need to do it as me and not as someone I'm not.


There was a lot more I wanted to write about, especially regarding "K" but I loss track of time while I was in the bath and it's now already really late and I have to be up by 8am tomorrow for work. So hopefully I can finish this tomorrow or Sunday..





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