2012-06-27 19:19:48 ( UTC )
So much has changed
Wow, i just read all my entries and now im completly ashamed of myself. Sure i have a
house, a son who doesnt want for anything. I adore him more than life itself. Yet why am i
not happy, Why am i drinking again. WHen i was pregnant i swore to give him the best life.
I've been drinking everynight. For what, because i don't have my perfect family. Well news
flash girl you had it and could still have it. I have a great family, why do i have to
look for every imperfection in my relationships. Wishing i could run into his arms and say
i've grown up, im done with the childish games, lets make our dreams come true. Yet im so
afraid i will destroy them into nightmares. I am my own worse enemy and i dont know how to
fix this. Stopping drinking would help, and i said i would never have a damn crutch again.
Well its been almost three years since i wrote my first entry, and i'm afraid. This demon
is slithering back into my life hell, it has taken the wheel again. How do i escape this
tortures chamber i have created. I can't be that girl falling down the rabbit hole
anymore. Needing to be whole without any substance.
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