rainy

My heart in a knot
2012-03-10 19:06:27 (UTC)

The fluidity of sexuality

Ok so I have news!, well it's news to me...

This entry is about sexuality.. a while ago I saw a post on my facebook stream that said, sexuality is fluid, and it's most fluid in women.

I also remember once when I was young watching a woman on a talk show who was a up and coming artist, they were discussing her sexuality because there were rumors that she was bisexual. She replied to that by saying "I think everyone's a little bisexual to a degree" .. and I remembered pondering her reply, and thinking are we as humans naturally inclined to find the opposite sex or could we as a whole find it ok (without the stigma) to partner with the same sex?

Now I want to post a quote that I found on a christian website about homosexuality, it's not my belief but I'm very curious about this topic:

" A person may be born with a greater susceptibility to homosexuality, just as some people are born with a tendency to violence and other sins. That does not excuse the person’s choosing to sin by giving in to sinful desires. If a person is born with a greater susceptibility to anger/rage, does that make it right for him to give into those desires? Of course not! The same is true with homosexuality."


First off I completely disagree with who ever wrote this and what they are saying, to compare someone's sexuality with a tendency to violence is a bit drastic.

Now for my news: Kay is having a baby. As in she's now in a heterosexual relationship with a man. Why is this news??? because she was gay... she was in a relationship with a woman and she did, (even if it was temporary) identify under "lesbian".


So what happened?? I personally don't know. Maybe she was never gay, maybe she was bi but told people she was gay since she was in a relationship with her gf. I'm not trying to say I know about her personal life, I'm just looking through as an outsider and looking at what I do know.

But regardless I've heard stories like this before. So what does it mean? can a person really be born gay? or do we all have the ability to be gay but some people are more accepting of it?


I also want to bring up a news article I read not to long ago where a actresses said for her "homosexuality was a choice".. her name is cynthia nixon, here's the article:


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/23/cynthia-nixon-wit-being-gay_n_1223889.html


So what I'm trying to get at here is NOT to offend anyone or say that homosexuality is not real, but I'm just pointing at the LABELS that we all put on ourselves: straight, gay, bi, lesbian... just as a transsexual doesn't want to identify as their born gender, and choose to transition only to become to stereotypical image of the opposite gender. (Ok maybe that's not the best comparison)

What I'm trying to say is that.. maybe because we "change" our sexuality can change. Maybe everyone has a "gay gene" but for some people it get's turned on while on the other hand it lays dormant in other people. Maybe one's religious upbringing keeps it from showing up.

I don't want it to sound like I'm arguing for any sides here, I'm just trying to understand sexuality.

Personally I have had attractions to women since I was about 7 years old, it was something I started to struggle with as I got older, but I still liked boys, but it was like it didn't matter because I didn't see at the time much of a difference between men and women.


I can't help but to think if people of the same gender were able to procreate (without intervention) that more people would be accepting of homosexuality.

I feel weird writing this.. because I don't want to offend anyone who might be really religious or anyone who might be gay, I'm just trying to find the middle ground. I think studying psychology has turned me into this person who has to find the answer to everything, not just homosexuality.. but all the "isms" out there. It was international women's day the other day and I remember seeing statistics about the disparity between men and women's pay, apparently women make 18 percent less then men for the same work and skills. I don't understand why... it seems stupid to me... why is this even a fact??

I can turn into such a feminist sometimes.. because it's so hard to understand why women are so mistreated yet these men have mothers..and grandmothers...sisters..aunts.. so why would a woman be treated any less?? why is there still domestic violence?


I've gone off subject.... I'm really trying not to sound ignorant. I'm just confused.. I think it's ok to be confused as long as eventually I find the answer.. and really what I think is that when and if I ever do get into a relationship I want to be happy.. and equal. That's really what people in same-sex relationships want, which is why there is a fight for same-sex marriage.. of course I can't help but to think the real reason why they keep holding back on same sex marriage is because sexuality is fluid... just like when we date outside of our ethnicity.. maybe we are just looking for someone who make's us happy, and maybe people will be more willing to try a same sex relationship.


Anyway.. I feel relieved since I had a crush on her. I found a baby sock today at work, I don't know how it got there but it's common to find baby items that get left behind, I guess because baby's sometimes throw things. It was so tiny.. and I remembered how much I've wanted to be a mom myself. Then I thought about my adoptive mom and how she never got to see me as a baby, that must be so hard for her, it's no wonder she has had a hard time connecting with us.

People confuse me.. and I'm always looking for the answers, I'm starting to think I'm living my life searching for answers that nobody can answer.




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