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Maelstrom143, By Sun or Candlelight
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2012-01-30 04:00:40 (UTC)

Hi Sis

"Cover my eyes, cover my ears, tell me these words are a lie. It can't be real that I'm losing you. The sun cannot fall from the sky. Can you hear the heaven cry the tears of an angel?
Stop every clock, the stars are in shock. The river will run to the sea.
I won't let you fly; I won't say goodbye; I won't let you slip away from me. Can you hear the heaven cry the tears of an angel?
So hold on, be strong, every day hope will grow...
I'm here, don't you fear, little one don't let go...
Cover my eyes, cover my ears, tell me these words are a lie."

My dear little sister,
How are you today? I think of you every day. Every day I have this pain in my chest that never goes away. Every day I find myself looking for you in the face and the smiles of others. Every so often I find myself wondering if I will get your e-mail and then realizing that you are no longer here and my heart breaks all over again.
There are so many things I long to tell you. How amazing your daughters are...how much your hubby misses you...how lovely your Memorial was and how I could imagine you watching and saying LMAO! at all of us gathered there to remember you. You had such an irreverent sense of humor. You would have been sad, but at the same time you would have found the humor in the situation. That is what was so great about you and I. Others would see me laughing at inappropriate times and think I had lost my marbles. You would see me laughing and burst out laughing with me, for you would see the same humor in the situation, even when it was really bad.
Remember how often we would get punished for laughing inappropriately? God...it was never malice. Just our thoughts running off on their own on tangents brought to mind by the situation, ways others would never in a million years be able to connect in a coherent pattern...but we could.
God! How much I miss your crazy sense of humor. How much I miss your vivacity and even the easy way you had of taking offense and then forgiving so quickly. I was so blind. I could not even see how much alike you and I were until you were no longer there. You tried to tell me, with quotes, jokes, little anecdotes...I just did not know how to listen. You were just my baby sister who I took for granted. I never thought I would one day face life without you. I thought I would always have you.
Can you see me? Can you hear me? God I wish I believed in ghosts then I could ask that you come back and haunt me until I, too, could go with you. Then we could talk and joke and laugh like we used to do. I could tease you and joke...and tell you how very much I need you here. You knew before I ever realized it, how very precious our bond was and how very empty life would be with one of us gone.

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