Truthful

Finding my flow
2011-09-09 10:08:25 (UTC)

Email I wrote, which I am deleting

but keeping a copy here :)
for what I said last....
I was reflecting on my overall actvities and do kind of agree that I am not reliable as a friend. :(
I always try to defend myself by saying that I never lied but well, being honest is not everything a friendship demands.
I need to show my respect to people even if it requires to hide truth or whatver...
I dont know. N*** told me that I hurt her by bringing you in picture. You said hurtful things to her for which I am partially responsible. She said she is fine with me but she is hurt. I patch up with her but why ...Why did you contact her??? why?
Regarding your girlfriend case, I feel that I should have kept quiet but **** my argument is why didnt you ask me not to interfere. You just disowned me....You tried to make a point to your girlfriend that you dont know me. It was hurtful to me, infact I felt so angry. Besides, I was always ready for open conversations!!! I never run away from what I said and did. I dont believe that I am flawless, I may have made mistakes but I need to be informed. I can't live life of guilt based on self-analysis simply because I cant be fair in judging myself. You know, I have suffered so much in past for unnecessary self guilt and I dont want to repeat it.
Even if I say mean things to you but I accept my friendship with you and the time we spent together and all our common activities. BTW, you said mean things as well not just to me but to people I care about.
I just want to know, do you justify your actions? What have you said about me to your girlfriend or your family?
Didn't you use me? All your appreciation for me were an outcome of your need at that time instead of really believing in me.
I know you will not reply back but I really care to know if you read my email. I will try not to call you but I will be very happy if you calls me.
You outsmart me, which is okay. I will try to use someone else. As they say...pay it forward. Somebody has to pay.
I want to keep myself in talking terms with you but again all depends on your need. Your true goal of resume building!
With pure scientific interest, I want to know if you will ends up finding a girl for yourself? If you do, it will be big surprise as well as a learning lessoon for me. May be 'Use and throw' is REALLY THE best policy!
Chalo will see.




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