Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2011-07-07 05:39:59 (UTC)

Stop Thinking So Much

The deed has been done. I'd gotten myself all psyched up to have "the talk" with Jose, but when I got there he was in a staff meeting. The meeting was supposed to end at 2:30pm, but ran long. By the time Jose was back to his desk, I'd had a good two hours of the usual nothingness (no orientations), which only strengthened my resolve. I asked him if we could talk and we went into a conference room. For 35 minutes he did and said everything in his power to keep me from leaving. I had no idea I was that appreciated, because I never got the feeling that I was. Maybe he just said what he said because it's his job as a director to keep people from leaving. I don't know. I felt bad about it at the time. Like I'm a huge failure, but the more I think about it the better I feel about my decision. I needed to do something. That has been evident for the past month. I just finally did it. It wasn't what I had expected, but ultimately I feel like it's the best choice. Maybe now I'll be able to enjoy some of the things Haselwood has to offer... Or I'll never go there again. Who knows. At this point I'm just focused on finishing these last two weeks and looking forward to what I've got going on at Bremerton.

Rhonda gave me the manual for my personal training certification today! It's 240 pages of stuff I pretty much already know, which is a relief. I do need to work on learning all of the technical terms and muscle groups, not to mention the planes and ranges of motion, but other than that, I think I'm good. I'll be spending a minimum of an hour a day studying. I've already gone through and flagged all of the sections I'm not 100% comfortable with. I intended to do well and pass this exam the first time around. No excuses, no exceptions. I expect nothing less of myself. I'm ready to fully commit myself to my chosen path. I feel this is what I'm meant to be doing and I need to put all of my effort into it. Which was the deciding factor behind leaving Haselwood (aside from the mind-numbing boredom).

I need to work on getting back into a state of balance. This past month has really tested my inner strength and fortitude. I need to meditate more. Slow down a little and stop thinking so much. I'm proud of myself for my ability to cope under the stress, but I can do better than just cope. I can thrive. I just need to get myself in the right frame of mind. Right now, I need to take myself to bed. It's been a challenging day.




Ad: