Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2011-07-06 04:11:31 (UTC)

The Right Thing

My day off didn't end up feeling like a day off. It was a good day overall, but I wish I could have enjoyed it more. I'm not complaining. I got some important stuff done, I'm just feeling like life is getting out of balance again. If it were possible to be both over and under stimulated at the same time, I'm there. I'll elaborate on this further in a later paragraph...

After my weekend of indulgence, I felt the need to get myself back on track in a big way. So, today's workout was intense. Lots of cardio to burn up some of the excess calories and to make myself sweat out all the toxins that came along with all the crap I ate (and the wine I drank). I know a couple days of vice aren't going to kill me, but I'm feeling very bloated and sluggish right now and I know exactly what's causing it. I need to be disciplined. Not because I'm worried about getting fat again (that will never happen), but because I'm not my best mentally when I'm not at my best physically. It's a delicate balance and I threw it completely off.

I've been putting it off for far too long, but today I finally did it. I got the Impala's tune up done. She's a good car and if I want to keep her dependable and running right, I've got to do the maintenance. So, that took the better part of my day. Most of that time I spent doing a some in-depth detail work. She was filthy inside and out, which was causing me a little stress. I spend too much time in my car for it to be a garbage can. Now she's clean, running smooth and there's no annoying "change engine oil", "low fuel", "low washer fluid" lights and chimes going off at me every time I start her up. Well, the "low fuel" light just came on this morning, but $54 later that problem was solved and $300 later, the other ones were solved. I both hate and love car maintenance.

Okay, so back to the over and under stimulation issue I mentioned above. It's Haselwood. I've been going back and forth with myself, but after having a conversation about it with Snookums (and the catalyst being 5 more emails from Jose), I've decided to terminate my employment there. I'm constantly being inundated with emails of things I need to do, but when I have questions or concerns I can never find a Health and Well-being Director to answer my question in person. I feel like a little lonely fish in a giant pond, lost in the chaotic school of orange t-shirts. I know it's because the facility is new and things are still crazy, but it's stressing me out. That's the over-stimulation side of the equation. The under-stimulation comes in during my shift. I have NOTHING to do if there aren't back to back youth orientations and quite frankly, I'm sick of doing them. I'm saying and doing the SAME freaking things over and over again. I feel like I have more opportunities at Bremerton and I want to focus all of my attention into them. I want to grow and achieve and I don't feel like I have as much opportunity for that at Haselwood. I need to cut my losses and get out now, before the decision gets any harder. I'm sure Jose will want to know why and I feel like a huge quitter for doing it, but it's what's best for me. I'm going to suck it up and do it tomorrow :( It's for the best... Oh! and I hate the stupid fluorescent orange shirt they make me wear! Have I mentioned the day-glow orange shirts? Horrible.

I know I've done a lot of bitching this entry, but really I'm feeling good. I'm empowered by my decision and I REALLY want to succeed and thrive. I don't see myself getting the support at Haselwood that I'm already getting at Bremerton. I think I'm doing the right thing... I think.




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