rainy

My heart in a knot
2011-06-11 20:09:46 (UTC)

Philosophy (thinking)

Now that I've been exposed to philosophy specifically ethics, I feel so different about the way I go about things. Most of today for instance I've been fighting with myself about my anonymity with Kay.

The particular question being do I tell her and risk her having a negative image of me forever, or do I leave things as they are and allow her image of me to remain pure? .. I feel like right now I don't understand enough ethics to be able to make the right decision. My idea now is to protect mine's and her's psyche and not mention it because it might stir up some unwanted emotions and confrontations or alter her ability to trust people. But I also have to consider her being in the dark about my anonymous character, and I wonder is it no big deal?

Maybe for me it is a big deal because I fight with the guilt but for her it is nothing.

I want to actually think about this.. but I feel my brains ability to connect ethics and my own ideas of people is screwed.

I spend a lot of time thinking.. about life, people, why and how..but I don't think critically.. I am subjective.. I need to learn how to bring other people's ideas and perspectives into consideration.

It's hard to get into her mind when I don't have the opportunity to do so. And now that she's leaving... I think about how my reaction will be.. I know myself, better then anyone and my experience in psychology and now Philosophy I know that I might continue with my behaviors. I hold onto things and people so tightly.. I can't channel my emotions into something positive.. I need to find the mean between my extremes... Aristotle proposed a moral doctrine called theory of the means.. and I've figured I need to work on the following things: my actions must spring from a firm and unchanging character and Be aware of the errors into which I usually fall, Be aware of my tendency for a particular excess or a particular defect and aim for the opposite.


Of course throughout this class I've considered psychology into just about every aspect.. I can't help but to feel that someone with a personality disorder is exempt from following certain moral standards. In fact I think my psychological state is justifiable in just about every action I do rather good or bad..

I have a lot to think about.. just 1 more day until monday, let's hope I make it to that day because my job is firing a bunch of people and I may be one of them but my only care is to see kay one last time.. I hope it happens.




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