Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2011-05-14 03:21:15 (UTC)

I Hate Who I Am Today

I had a challenging day. I hate to make excuses, but my "monthly gift" is practically crippling me emotionally and mentally. All day I've TRIED to be my usual optimistic, happy self. Unfortunately, instead I've been irritable, angry, sad, distractible, tired, stressed or a complex tangle of any or all of the above. I hate who I am today, which sucks. Tomorrow is a new day. I get to try again.

Essentially, today was a day off for me (I didn't have to take Keenan to therapy, or work anywhere). I woke up bitchy and distracted. I hoped that a good sweat session would fix that, but even after I got to the gym I was still highly irritable. Nothing went right. I hate the fan blowing on me, but the guy on the weight bench next to me cranked the damn thing up to full-blast. Every circuit machine I wanted, someone got on it right as I was heading towards it. My favorite elliptical was taken, then when I wanted to get on the StairMaster, someone else got on it. My favorite treadmill was broken. I just gave up. I spent an hour sitting in the sauna (thankfully alone) and that helped me out for a little while, but it was short-lived. I got pissed off in the locker room when a lady hung her wet towel on the same hook as my dry towel (why would you do that? There were other unoccupied hooks). EVERY LITTLE THING has been getting to me :( At one point I felt down-right violent!

When Keenan and I got home from the gym, Snookums was home cleaning. He'd changed the sheets on our bed, picked up toys, done the dishes. It was nice not having to do that. He gave me a massage and let me take a nap until the girls came home from school. He's always so kind and considerate towards me. Sometimes it makes me wonder what's wrong with him. I can be so hard to please (or tolerate for that matter), but he's always patient and loving. I don't deserve him, but I'm glad he puts up with me :)

After my nap I didn't feel quite as hostile, but there was still a feeling of sullenness. Snookums planned some family-time, which was really nice. We went to Starbucks and everyone got Frappuccino's, we walked on the boardwalk at the Poulsbo Waterfront Park and had dinner at J.J.'s Fish House. Part of me enjoyed it and part of me just wanted to come home and put on pajamas, crawl in bed and maybe eat some chocolate (I haven't had any chocolate. There isn't any in the house). During dinner, I didn't like how loud and busy J.J.'s was. It's a boisterous kind of place. Very informal and great for kids, but the vibe was too much for me. My smoked salmon linguine was divine, though. I couldn't get home soon enough.

I got an email tonight from the Haselwood Y director, listing all of the requirements that need to be accomplished before the Haselwood YMCA opens June 1st. STRESS! That's all I could think of. Most of the things needed I already fulfilled when I started working at the Bremerton Y. I don't think I should have to do them again, because the Haselwood Y is part of the same organization as the Bremerton Y. They're basically the same company. I'll have to see what Jose says about it. He called me last night while I was at work and left a message saying he needed to talk to me about my schedule. I called him back today, but he was driving, so we couldn't talk. I'm nervous to find out what my schedule will be! I'm already nervous enough about the whole opening day thing, now I get to wonder what my work load will be like. He never did call back.

I'm really hoping tomorrow is a better day for me. I understand that not every day will be sunshine and roses. I will have down days and I will have times when I'm not as upbeat as I could be. I just really don't like those days. I felt like all day I needed to apologize for my indifference (which was the closest I could get to happy). I wonder if I could persuade Snookums to go out and get me some chocolate. I know that won't fix anything, but at least it would make me happy for the moment :)




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