Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2011-05-12 04:16:31 (UTC)

Autistic Or Not

If you're expecting my usual dose of positivity, I hate to disappoint, but it's absent today. Life has a way of knocking the optimism out of the optimist sometimes and today I've been sucker punched.

I took Keenan in to see his doctor this morning. I took him in simply for a physical. He needed the all-clear to have his dental work done the beginning of next month (he's being put under general anesthesia). Dr. Brown (his dentist) gave me a form for Dr. Ennis (his pediatrician) to fill out and fax over. Everything seemed normal enough until Dr. Ennis handed me the original form back and I read something startling that he'd written in the "chronic conditions" section. There as clear as day (well, not that clear. A doctor wrote it) was "Autistic Spectrum/Speech Delay". NEVER ONCE in the almost 2 years that Keenan has been receiving treatment for his speech delay has anyone EVER mentioned that he might or could be autistic. I don't recall him ever being tested for it. Is it something they test for or do they simply amass symptoms and come to their own conclusions? In all actuality it doesn't even matter. Autistic or not, Keenan is the same little boy he was yesterday, the day before and he'll be the same tomorrow.

I went to the gym after Keenan's appointment, but all I could think about was my baby. I couldn't concentrate. Quite honestly, it felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach. I went through the motions, but it was half-assed at best. Oh well. I'm sad for him. Why I'm not sure. I think it's because I don't know a whole lot about Autism and the more I try to learn about it the more confused I become. It's not cut and dry at all. Every Autistic child is different, the symptoms are different, levels of functionality are different. I always thought Autistic children were silent, unaffectionate children that throw tantrums. That can be the case, but it's not the norm. I've got a lot to learn and even a few stereotypes to debunk. Who am I kidding? I just want it all to go away! I wish I'd never read that stupid form.

Tomorrow I'll feel better about this, but today I'm just going to feel sorry for myself and Keenan. My little boy has had one struggle after another his whole life and this is just another thing. It's got to get easier for him...




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