rainy

My heart in a knot
2011-05-05 21:52:37 (UTC)

mixed emotions

I'm dealing with mixed emotions about who I am and the things I've done. I feel so many different emotions it is truly over whelming. On top of that I feel kinda like I'm getting sick.. I think it was the salsa I had today. or it could be the affect from all the ice cream I've eaten in the last 3 weeks, that's right in 3 weeks time or less I have eaten 3 cartons of ice cream, these were medium size and I ate all three of them by myself usually consumed in 3 days each time. So I guess I would get sick.... of course I was depressed!


My class made me depressed.. and my reality and things with kay, how I feel about myself and my future.... and how hard it is for me to just be normal!!!!!!!!!!!1 life is really not fair... but I have to stop complaining about my life and start to work harder at fixing it and making myself happy..


So kay is not happy with my alias--- and she might have a mean streak-- which is really awesome-- but seriously what do I even want from her, I don't even know anymore, I think I'm just bored and wanting to stir up some excitement...


Another thing I feel is important to mention before I end this and attempt to go study for my final is that the other day one of my co-workers gave me $40 to work for her this saturday,,, I was like wow... seriously??? I would of just called out if I was her but she offered me the money without me even asking, and it's only a 5 hour shift!!! so she is out $40 and money from her shift-- but I saw her today and she doesn't seem to mind at all... however I can't help but to feel like it's one of those things that seems too good to be true..


but I'm up $40, and can't even decide what to spent it on!! that's so typical of me! I get extra money and then can't decide what I want to use it for because I want it to be worth while and not just spend it on gas or food, why am I so weird like that geesh most people would just spend it and get over it.... yea I think I'm going to spend it on something electronic.. I really have to feed my electronics addiction.

--- back to kay... I'm really sad and upset but I need to put that aside and study for my test and just accept that if it were meant to be it would of happened by now or in the future when the time is right, I just need some solace....




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