Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2011-04-04 04:50:37 (UTC)

Negative Self-Talk Bullshit

I NEED to write my "Y Story", but I keep putting it off. Why? The new me doesn't condone procrastination like this. I abhor it! What's the obstacle in my way? What is keeping me from writing this little essay about myself? It's not like writing is a foreign concept to me. I've put it off all weekend because I'm a little scared. What will happen once EVERYONE that attends the Bremerton Family YMCA knows about me? Most don't know I work there, even fewer know my story. Will things change once it's out? And if it does change, will it be a good change or a bad one? Am I over-thinking this? Probably. Like all fears I've encountered lately, I'm going to set it aside and move forward. I will write my story tonight...

My day pretty much revolved around my workout. I sat around until about noon, spent 4 hours at the gym and then came home and sat around some more. That's my idea of a relaxing Sunday!

I had a weird experience in the sauna this afternoon. I went swimming after my workout and after swimming I decided to meditate in the sauna (which I do everyday after my workout). I was sitting lotus-style on the top bench with my eyes closed, taking deep cleansing breaths. Someone came into the sauna (I didn't see who because my eyes were closed, but I could feel them looking at me). When I opened my eyes, there was a middle-aged man looking at me. The ensuing conversation went something like this:

Man: "You know, sighing is a sign of depression"
Me: "I wasn't sighing, I was taking cleansing breaths. I have nothing to be depressed about"
Man: "Well that's good... but we all have something to be depressed about at some point in our lives"
Me: "I suppose that could be true, but I'm past that now"
Man: "What were you depressed about? Did something happen to you? Did you see something"
Me: "I don't care to talk about it"
Man: "I dated a couple women that were molested. One of them got raped. Did something like that happen to you?"
Me: "Wow, it's really hot in here today, I need to get out! It was nice talking to you"

Then, I left and went to the steam room. Is it just me or was that odd? What was he trying to get out of me? And why? Sometimes I think I've got "Violate Me" tattooed across my forehead. Does anyone else ever have awkward crap like that happen to them? It's not that I can't or won't talk about what happened, it's just that I didn't feel like that was the time nor the place. I only share that story when there is a need to (like helping someone else conquer their demons). Not to make conversation with a strange man I've never seen before. In the back of my mind I said to myself "that's what you get for wearing a bathing suit in the sauna", but that's just negative self-talk bullshit. It's perfectly acceptable to wear a bathing suit in the sauna!

Okay, now it's time to let that go... I need to get off of here and write my story before I get too tired and have yet another reason to put it off.




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