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2011-03-06 14:36:28 (UTC)

For every petal lost, another gained.

Lots has happened in the last few months since I last wrote, I feel like shit right now which is why I'm here.

Me and H grew apart, my gran on my mothers side past away. It put a strain on me and H, not that I really gave a shit. It was clear to me then that she meant nothing to me. At the time of need believe it or not I fell into SB's arms, as in my ex. We grew closer and closer and me and H ended up becoming distant, which lead to me breaking up with her the day after me and SB slept together.

At first we said it was nice but never again. We got back together about a month ago. I'm not really sure. We talked about looking for a house together, and to start looking this month, even though we'd take things slow. We had Australia set for 5 years time, we were happy, everything looked do able by her side.

Today she told me she doesn't want to do that, how she didn't want to move in together this soon, how she doesn't want to go to college or uni anymore, that she doesn't even want to go abroad... Ever.

It feels like we'll be breaking up soon. I want to be strong and turn this around, make something from nothing and actually do what I dream of doing and getting myself closer to Australia. With everything she said to me today I just feel destroyed.

I was tempted to look you up, but how is that fair on anyone? I'm so fucked in the head that I feel like running to you when anything goes wrong. I feel lost today, I have about 8 hours before work and I'm just like, I don't know what to do with this time. I don't want to do anything, I don't even want to sleep. I feel like shit.

This is goodbye, at least for tonight.