Jaeu

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2011-01-15 18:45:53 (UTC)

Waiting on one love.

Helen and I have been having stupid arguments lately. We sort them out within 5
minutes of talking but I just, I can't do this. I've been heading back into my old self. All
I wanted to do at work yesterday was cut. It's just gone half 6, I listened to a few
songs, I need to cut.

I had to check your facebook, I mean why would I not want to get depressed over you
right? I could of just listened to an upbeat song and not looked and probably felt fine.
Instead I listen to a song that used to make me cut myself when we broke up. I don't
even understand myself.

Would time on my own even work? I've been alone for the majority of my life, I've
always been depressed wishing I had someone in my life. How am I meant to be
happy on my own if I've always felt that way? What if I still feel that way, end up
destroying some girls faith in guys just to realise I needed her?

I was going to take a few weeks out on Monday, shit even a month, just disappear,
phone off for a month. Thinking about it though, I can't really go a few days being on
my own. I get bored, over think and get depressed. Which leads to thinking about you,
looking for you and cutting. How the fuck do I move on from you?!

Love isn't here.

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