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Maelstrom143, By Sun or Candlelight
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2010-10-06 03:56:19 (UTC)

I want to whine a bit

Yeah, I know. I usually am the one to say suck it up and drive on but
right now I just want to have a good whine and then I will pick up the
pieces and go on my merry way, ok?
It has been a horrendous two days. David, our eldest has been a royal
pain and threatening. We have had such a rough time with him, but Paul
does not help matters. I am so sick of the bickering and fighting and
nastiness and I am right up there with them. It makes me sick.
I broached the subject of leaving for a while, letting my husband deal
with the boys, since I am less stable r/t work hours, but that is not
going to happen, as we feel the children would be less than well
served by this option.
I just am so tired and worn out and just want to close my eyes and
pretend it isn't happening...
I love my husband very much and the only thing we ever argue about is
the kids, esp the eldest. His parenting style and mine conflict with
each other and I tend to be impulsive, esp if I feel scared. Often, I
feel as if he is attacking and petty towards our eldest and so I find
myself intervening and making things worse. I have spent the last two
days crying my eyes out. Part of the time because I can't seem to get
through to my eldest, and part of the time because I am so sick of the
nastiness I feel coming from my husband toward my eldest.
In addition, the youngest two were very upset yesterday, feeling
threatened and endangered by their eldest brother. We have now applied
locks to their bathroom and bedroom and David is now relegated to the
downstairs communal bathroom except when supervised. My younger sons
are tired of being threatened and being treated in a less than optimal
manner and when my eldest told my littlest one he wanted to "lay him
out" as he put it, we felt we could no longer make allowances for his
behaviors.
I am still here, but heartsick, tired, and feeling very much worn out.
I love my family very much, but I feel as if I may be running out of
steam.
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