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2010-04-09 00:22:20 (UTC)

I don't know what's right and what's real anymore.

Sian told me she was pregnant today, 7 weeks apparently.
Pretty fucked up really, a few weeks either way and better
organisation between us and it would of been mine. The
first thing I thought was oh fuck is it mine, thankfully
not though. Still pretty fucked up.

I've not spoken to you in over a week, hell it might even
be over two weeks, it's been that long. A few times i've
caved and hoped you'd talk to me, that you'd call me or
something. I think you not talking to me put me in this
mind set. I'd like to say I feel better for it. I'd like
to say that i'm moving on, but the truth is I miss you so

I'm not sure anymore, I wonder if you think about me at
night, if you still care, or if you ever really loved me.
I know someone 3 years on that lost who she thought was
her soulmate, who still finds it hard each day without
him. It's coming up to a year in a few months and I know I
feel the same way over you. I guess the whole sleeping
with Sian was to help me get over you, all it's done is
make everything harder.

I miss falling asleep with you, I hope you feel the same.
I really don't want to be just another line in your book.

I didn't know it would be so strong, waiting and wondering
about you. I didn't know it would last so long, nights are
forever without you.