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2010-03-21 17:21:36 (UTC)

Feels like it's raining all the time.

I've felt pretty shit this week mainly because out of no
where you told me you were going to cuba on saturday last
week. You're back now, we talked last night for a little
bit and again today. I feel like I have nothing to say to
you. All week i've felt like shit because I didn't get to
say goodbye to you, because I wasn't able to talk to, or
hear from you. All I could think about yesterday at work
was you coming home, being able to talk to you again, yet
I have nothing to say.

You didn't really tell me about cuba, but I guess
that's 'cause you spent most of your time drunk or
sleeping with your ex... Who is now your bf? I don't
really understand how I feel anymore. I've been told by a
few people that Heidi likes me, she's very awkward though.
I guess I should do something about that, but then it's
like, I still have feelings for you, I still love you, i'd
still give up everything to be with you. I wish you'd love
me back, or even feel something for me. Who am I kidding
though right? Something good happening for a change,
yeah 'cause that'll fucking happen.

I feel like I should just do everything I can to remove
you from my life. Seeing pictures of you depresses me, I
don't really know why. I really don't. I find myself
constantly wishing for yesterday, I guess that would mean
my life is complete shit, right? If i'm always wishing and
fantasizing in my head for a different outcome. I'm so
tired of feeling.

All of my friends are in relationships, Dan keeps asking
me why i'm single. I wish I could stop lying to people,
it's almost been 9 months. We're coming up to a year and
i'm still cutting, still crying myself to sleep. I didn't
feel this shit yesterday, the girl I have all these
feelings for comes back and I want to kill myself. I don't
even understand anymore. Like if I really had feelings for
you, if I really loved you then why do I feel this way?

I can't live without, all I think about, all I want is
you. You're all I dream about, I can't live without, all I
want is you.