Jaeu

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2010-03-02 03:27:38 (UTC)

So low.

It's just gone 3 am, I spent my monday in bed, depressed
and wishing I wouldn't wake up again. I did something
stupid when I got home yesterday, I decided to watch the
olympic men's hockey game. All I could think about is how
I wish I could of watched it with you, and how worked up
you'd of been over it. What a great start to my Monday,
depressed and wanting to die. I've been on and off waking
up, each time cutting myself more times than the last,
deeper than the last. I wondered what I was climaxing for.

Then I realised you were back with your ex after coming on
the pc for the first time since the weekend. I don't think
it's been this bad before, I have so much emotion running
through me, but like I said, it's 3 am, I can't call or
talk to anyone at this time so i'm just left with myself,
my thoughts and a razor. Possibly the worst combination
ever.

I feel so lost right now, things in my life are already
confusing enough and now I have this to deal with. I don't
even have anyone I can talk to about this, or even go for
a drink alone with. Everyone's so busy wrapped up in their
own shit. I'm so unhappy, why am I always like this? Why
do I feel like this?

Ten thousand times I will scream over and over until you
notice me. Until my voice breaks, and all this heartache
gently fades away.

So where are the pictures of you and me? Put them aside
for no one else to see. Afraid of what they might say? Not
if my heart breaks, at least I have your yesterday.

Is there something going on? Isn't something going on?
you said you want it to be the way it was before, now
something's going on, isn't something going on? No, it’s
not gonna be the way it was before.

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