Interrupted
My Life Thus Far
Old Ghosts From The Past
I'm actually tired tonight. I've been going since 7am this
morning (and it's now after 9:30pm). I'm ready to slow
down and rest.
I didn't go to the gym today. Tuesday mornings Gen and I
have been trying to have our customary coffee date,
because if we don't schedule it in we'll end up going
months without seeing each other. As long as I make it to
the gym Monday, Wednesday and Friday I'm happy. Those are
my Zumba days :)
After our coffee and play date, the kids and I went to the
Commissary to get a few things for dinner. Snookums was
supposed to be having a friend over for dinner and I
wanted it to be perfect for him, but more on that later.
Tuesday's the Commissary on PSNS is closed, so I had to go
to the one on Bangor. I don't care much for Bangor base.
Every time I go there it instantaneously takes me back to
a time in my life that I'd rather not remember (when I
used to live with my mother and step-father). It's like
every time I come through the gates, I'm haunted by old
ghosts from my past. I must be a sucker for punishment,
because as I was leaving the Commissary I felt compelled
to go to my old home. I turned right instead of left, I
drove down the long winding road to West Family Housing
and I drove down Georgia Ct. There it was, still there
(not that I expected it not to be). A different family is
living there since the last time I ripped off the scab and
drove past. It's like time is moving forward, but part of
me is still stuck there. I don't know how to separate
myself from that time 100%. Maybe one day it will happen,
until then I'll continue to live in limbo. Part of me
moving forward, thriving and part of me stunted in the
painful past.
So, back to Snookums and his dinner guest. Snookums made
friends with one of the guys he's working with now in the
Parking Department. That's great. I think Snookie should
have friends and in the entire 7 years we've been together
I haven't met more than maybe 2 people he considered a
friend. So, this guy was supposed to come over this
weekend for dinner (he loves my cooking, Jason takes
leftovers to him for lunch), but he cancelled at the last
minute. Jason invited him again tonight, but this time he
didn't even have the courtesy to cancel. He just didn't
show up. AFTER I went to the grocery store and bought pork
chops I didn't even want, because that's what he said he
wanted for dinner. I was trying to be nice to my husband's
friend, make him a home-cooked meal since he lives in the
barracks and doesn't have any family around. He's burned
his bridges with me. Two hours after this guy was supposed
to be here, it occurred to me that there is a discernable
pattern when it comes to the guys Snookie tends to
befriend. They're all single, young, newly enlisted,
living in the barracks. Not to stereotype, but they're not
on the same playing field as him. He's in his 30's,
married with children and settled. For the longest time I
never thought he had friends. Turns out he's just picking
people that have nothing whatsoever in common with him and
never want to hang out with him because he's a family man
and not a single "playa" like they are. I could tell he
was disappointed that his friend didn't show up, but I
told him it wasn't his fault. They just have different
values and obviously following through and doing what you
said you'd do or being where you said you'd be isn't one
they share. Snookie needs a friend with similar interests
as him. Someone with at least one thing in common with him
(other than rap music). I hope he finds a companion. This
is the second time I've seen him hurt because people he
though were his friends let him down (last time was when
he left the Stennis, no one came to his going away party
because they all went to the Jay-Z concert instead. Good
friends!) I think he'd be happier if he had someone other
than me and the kids to hang out with. Maybe someone
married, with children like him or at least not 12 years
younger and completely immature.
I have to be going for now. Snookie is standing over me,
badgering me to come to bed. I HATE THAT! You'd think
after almost 5 years he'd be used to me writing on a
nightly basis. Oh well, I need to get some sleep anyway.
Ciao!
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