Jaeu

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2010-01-26 02:49:26 (UTC)

I am cursed far more than I am praised.

I feel so far away from the things that matter to me the
most. Trapped in a state of depression when I really think
about things. You bring me so much sadness, yet I long to
hold you, feel your breath on my shoulder. I want to have
my arms around you and feel your arms squeezing against me,
pushing our bodies tightly into each other like you want me
so much that it hurts to let go. I don't know what i'm
meant to do without you, I feel like I have no purpose, no
meaning, do I even exist?

I'm missing you so much, I need to have you here next to
me, my hands on your skin. I want to brush my thumb against
your arm, back and forth caressing your warm skin. I wish I
could kiss your beautiful lips, see into your eyes and hear
you speak, hear you breathe. Why am I plagued in this
destructive emotion? Why am I forever breaking and falling
down?

Everything I do or feel is pointless to me now. I don't
want to die, i'm scared of dying, everytime I think about
it I end up crying because i'm that terrified of it. So why
do I want to cut? Why do I feel like dying is a better
option than waking up tomorrow? Why do I feel like my lungs
should stop working without you? I'm tired of this, i'm
tired of feeling like this, i'm so tired.

We're born with light in our hearts, and people come around
and tear us apart. When my whole world turns to dark, I
can't see anything, I can't see anything.

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