Jaeu

One big beautiful daily accident.
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2009-11-26 08:49:44 (UTC)

Such fragile moments we share.

Tonight was weird. Chris and Sian are now kinda seeing
each other, considering they've known each other for like
a week, and the fact that he's 12 years older than her, I
don't think this will end well. I'd like to think that
they want each other and there's all this chemistry, but
she uses people, so clearly he's being used. I guess that
puts me in a shit situation, i've already fucked her and
Sam up since he won't play with her anymore and she needs
a guitarist. I'd hate to try and tell him what she's like
and be the reason for something shit, well, yet another
reason.

I saw a new picture of you today, you had straightened
your gorgeous blonde hair, something you never did with
me. you're wearing a long red top with black tights, I
can't even see a mini skirt if you're even wearing one,
just seeing that picture makes me feel sick, butterflys,
anxiety. Not in a bad way, I think it's more because of
what I no longer have. I miss you so much, you were in bed
before I could get home to talk to you, you're sick again.
I wish I could look after you and make you better. I wish
you'd let me.

I hate being a part from you, I realised yesterday that
I've never been this unhappy. It's amazing that I can go
from being unhappy and depressed to feeling truly happy
and then to the worst I've ever felt, you do something to
me that I can't explain. And now that Chris and Sian are
all together, it makes me feel even more like shit. I
still hate seeing couples, I hate everything. I guess
another night of crying myself to sleep is in order.

I'm so fucked, I don't even know where to go from here, I
just want you back. What are you meant to do when the
person you love doesn't love you back? I guess the most
obvious thing is to move on, I don't even understand how
you can move on from something you love so much, from
something you truly love. I want you to be a part of me, I
guess you already are in some respects. I need you.

You are my everything, even with nothing to say.

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