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2009-09-19 19:34:48 (UTC)

Yesterday's feelings.

So I need to write but i'm probably going to make myself
late for work by doing so, whatever. I quit smoking weed
today, this morning after work I smoked an L and then a 1
skin on the walk home, i'm done. I have 1.6 left and a bit
in my grinder, i'm going to give that to a friend on tue,
then i'm completely out.

I told you this, and you said "coool" then asked me why, I
pretty much said because of you, because of how much pain
I caused you when I told you I had started smoking again.
You basically told me that I have to quit for myself and
not for someone else, and told me that you were
disappointed I had started smoking again, and that you
didn't care because you realized like, you said it hurt
you at first to know I had started smoking again, until
you thought to yourself that it doesn't matter, that my
life suddenly doesn't effect yours and that you don't care
about what I do.

I guess that right there is the painful realization that
you've moved on, you might not of realized what you said
or how you worded it, but you basically said you're done,
you're out.

Today i'm tired and feel fucked, it's going to be a hard
shift at work too, but on Monday i'm a new man, things are
going to change.

I thought I had found what i've been longing for.