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2009-09-17 16:28:53 (UTC)

Between sheets.

I'm starting to question things more and more. I'm trying
to understand things that I really never thought about,
maybe this is paranoia?

We were talking the other night and you said that you
wished I was still there with you, we began talking and it
ended up with me telling you I had started smoking green
again, and pretty much ended in this huge argument where
you basically said by me going back to weed, I had made up
your mind if you wanted to be with me or not. I couldn't
sleep that night, I ended up getting 40 minutes of sleep
in 6 hours.

I was up that morning at 8am to go bowling. Rob and I
bowled for 6 hours, 30 games. Rob bowled the best game of
his entire life, 187? I was bowling low 120's haha, but I
was bowling in a new style and on 40 minutes of sleep. He
was giving me shit for missing loads so I changed from my
8's back to my old 10's and bowled a -/9 on 9th frame,
then 10th frame I bowled a turkey, haha. He soon shut
up :).

After bowling I went back to my mothers, my brother and
sister came down too so it was kind of a family meal and
such, haven't done something like that in years.

We talked that night and you basically ignored what I had
told you, what we had spoken about the day before. Since
then we've had a lot of emotional talks which pretty much
all end in me telling you to be with me, and you bringing
up your ex telling me he wants to get back together soon.
What do you want? I'm sick of hearing about what he wants.

Every time we talk it seems to end in one of us crying,
surely that says that you miss me and want to be with me?
That there's still feeling, that there's still hope for
us? I don't even know anymore.

You never promised me anything, even sat me down, warned
me just how they fall. I knew the odds were I'd never win.