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2009-08-29 17:35:26 (UTC)

Is this getting over you?

I'm feeling a little out of place right now, I text you
asking if we could talk this morning but you were
sleeping, it was 8 am so that's kinda understandable.
Today you came on msn and I felt kinda anxious and
depressed? We've been talking for about 2 hours now, kinda
like we used to, only, not as flirty. I don't feel sad or
low, not even depressed. I do feel paranoid though, I
guess if I really wanted to sit here and over think things
I could go to a depressed state and need to cut.

I read something yesterday on the problem page in the
paper, I seem to enjoy reading that part of the paper, i'm
not really quite sure why. Anyway, this particular story
was talking about how someone wanted to be with another
person, but the other person had too much going on, I
guess I kinda related that to myself. I'm not sure if you
even want to be with me anymore, i'm pretty sure you
don't, in fact i'm certain you don't. So why i've decided
to link myself to this story I don't even know, but I
guess the point i'm trying to get to is the reply to this
story was basically, she's got too much going on to fit
this guy into her life, she's no room for him.

I've decided to just stop telling you that I miss you,
that I love you more than life itself and that I long to
feel your warm body against mine, I'd hate to think this
is me giving up and at the same time I feel like I should
keep telling you these things to basically manipulate you
into not getting into a relationship with anyone other
than me. I love you, I really do, but I guess hearing me
saying these things to you is too hard, so I guess i'll be
the one who stops telling you these things and gives you a
chance to breathe. I highly doubt your ex will stop, so
i'm guessing you'll probably think, 2 guys, one's telling
me he loves me, the other has stopped, kinda clear who
really loves me. I really hope you don't think like that,
please God let that be my paranoia.

I really wish I could lay next to you and get all close to
you, I need to feel your arms around me, i'd love to be
able to kiss you right now. I want to see you, you're
going out for someone's 18th tonight, I think you said it
was Emily but I can't even remember. You're always worried
about what you're wearing, you always say you look bad but
you've no idea, you're so gorgeous. I hate that I work the
weekend, I guess everything happens for a reason though.

I want your lungs to stop working without me.