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2009-08-29 17:35:26 (UTC)

Is this getting over you?

I'm feeling a little out of place right now, I text you asking if we could talk this morning but you were sleeping, it was 8 am so that's kinda understandable. Today you came on msn and I felt kinda anxious and depressed? We've been talking for about 2 hours now, kinda like we used to, only, not as flirty. I don't feel sad or low, not even depressed. I do feel paranoid though, I guess if I really wanted to sit here and over think things I could go to a depressed state and need to cut.

I read something yesterday on the problem page in the paper, I seem to enjoy reading that part of the paper, I'm not really quite sure why. Anyway, this particular story was talking about how someone wanted to be with another person, but the other person had too much going on, I guess I kinda related that to myself. I'm not sure if you even want to be with me anymore, I'm pretty sure you don't, in fact I'm certain you don't. So why I've decided to link myself to this story I don't even know, but I guess the point I'm trying to get to is the reply to this story was basically, she's got too much going on to fit this guy into her life, she's no room for him.

I've decided to just stop telling you that I miss you, that I love you more than life itself and that I long to feel your warm body against mine, I'd hate to think this is me giving up and at the same time I feel like I should keep telling you these things to basically manipulate you into not getting into a relationship with anyone other than me. I love you, I really do, but I guess hearing me saying these things to you is too hard, so I guess I'll be the one who stops telling you these things and gives you a chance to breathe. I highly doubt your ex will stop, so I'm guessing you'll probably think, 2 guys, one's telling me he loves me, the other has stopped, kinda clear who really loves me. I really hope you don't think like that, please God let that be my paranoia.

I really wish I could lay next to you and get all close to you, I need to feel your arms around me, I'd love to be able to kiss you right now. I want to see you, you're going out for someone's 18th tonight, I think you said it was Emily but I can't even remember. You're always worried about what you're wearing, you always say you look bad but you've no idea, you're so gorgeous. I hate that I work the weekend, I guess everything happens for a reason though.

I want your lungs to stop working without me.