One big beautiful daily accident.
To bottom ↓
To top ↑
RSS subscribe

my-diary.org tip jar

Ad 0:
yX Media - Monetize your website traffic with us

2009-08-28 12:24:52 (UTC)

It's always raining in my head.

I got woken up today by the prick a few doors down doing DIY again, it's starting to be a daily occurrence. I've tried to fall back asleep, but I've so much on my mind it's pretty much useless. I want to tell you to your face that I love you, and just break down in your arms. Yet at the same time I want to scream that I hate you, that you've fucked me up beyond repair. I want to tell you that I hate you, I hate what you've made me become. I thought this was in my past, that I had moved on from this shit.

I smoked again today, I guess I'm addicted. I might tell you later, I think I want you to hate me, maybe it'll make everything better if you hate me. I'm sure it'll make things even easier for you.

I guess I've had 6 hours of sleep, I don't really see how I'm going to be able to go to work later and actually work. I hate working more than anything. I guess everyone does, and I'm pretty sure everyone has this problem. Do you over think everything when you're working? Do you think to yourself, just a few more hours before you can go home and cut, not long now, you'll soon be back in your depressing shell, full of release.

I wonder what kind of future I have, it kinda fucks you up to think about someone who's meant to love you, who's meant to be there for you, when it's like, they saw the best side of you, the cut and depressing free you, a you that's actually happy and just, tell you that they don't want you, that you're nothing to them.

You saw the best part of me, and it wasn't good enough. I'm not good enough to have someone like you, so where does that leave me? I gave you everything I had to offer and you just, dismissed me, pain has never been so brilliant.

I'm starting to question if I'm ever going to be happy, seeing as everything I touch turns to shit, I'm not an asshole, I'm not someone that people hate, why doesn't anyone want me?

Everywhere I look I see your face, no button I can push, delete, erase.