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2009-08-28 12:24:52 (UTC)

It's always raining in my head.

I got woken up today by the prick a few doors down doing
DIY again, it's starting to be a daily occurrence. I've
tried to fall back asleep, but i've so much on my mind
it's pretty much useless. I want to tell you to your face
that I love you, and just break down in your arms. Yet at
the same time I want to scream that I hate you, that
you've fucked me up beyond repair. I want to tell you that
I hate you, I hate what you've made me become. I thought
this was in my past, that I had moved on from this shit.

I smoked again today, I guess i'm addicted. I might tell
you later, I think I want you to hate me, maybe it'll make
everything better if you hate me. I'm sure it'll make
things even easier for you.

I guess i've had 6 hours of sleep, I don't really see how
i'm going to be able to go to work later and actually
work. I hate working more than anything. I guess everyone
does, and i'm pretty sure everyone has this problem. Do
you over think everything when you're working? Do you
think to yourself, just a few more hours before you can go
home and cut, not long now, you'll soon be back in your
depressing shell, full of release.

I wonder what kind of future I have, it kinda fucks you up
to think about someone who's meant to love you, who's
meant to be there for you, when it's like, they saw the
best side of you, the cut and depressing free you, a you
that's actually happy and just, tell you that they don't
want you, that you're nothing to them. You saw the best
part of me, and it wasn't good enough. I'm not good enough
to have someone like you, so where does that leave me? I
gave you everything I had to offer and you just, dismissed
me, pain has never been so brilliant.

I'm starting to question if i'm ever going to be happy,
seeing as everything I touch turns to shit, i'm not an
asshole, i'm not someone that people hate, why doesn't
anyone want me?

Everywhere I look I see your face, no button I can push,
delete, erase.