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2009-08-26 16:35:21 (UTC)

Can I have you?

So I was at my mothers yesterday, me and R bowled for almost 5 hours from 10 am. We played 24 games. Today my right arm's hurting a little bit, but only slightly, my middle finger is fucked though.

I spent the night at my mothers and cried myself to sleep, all alone. Before going to sleep I was talking to you and things were going good, until I told you that I wanted to fall asleep in your arms. You said it's hard to hear sometimes. It turned to shit from there, you basically told me we have no future, so now I'm kinda unsure what it is I'm even meant to do. I feel like my life just lost all meaning.

I cut myself shortly after you left, the deepest I've ever cut, apparently I've turned a page, backwards. I've never felt so alone.

Today I realised something that was meant to help me, I used to forget about everything and just chill out when I smoke, but now apparently it seems that when I smoke I think of you, the exact opposite of what it used to do. I get so depressed when I smoke, so I guess I'm quitting.

I got pierced today, both my ears and the other side of my lip, right now I'm unsure about the lip, it looks like it's done too low compared to the other one. I'm hoping that just because of the swelling. I'm liking my ears though, I was going to get fake plugs to see how they look on me, and then see if I really wanted plugs before stretching, but now I'm not sure, my ear lobes are kinda small.

I hate the feeling I get when I come home after being away. Nothings changed, everyone is doing the same shit as they were when I left, it's such a depressing feeling, something I'm kinda used to I guess.

I just fell in love for the first time, watch as I pick myself up off the ground.