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2009-08-21 15:01:32 (UTC)

No surprises.

It's Friday, I fell asleep on the couch waiting for you to get home at around, well, I'd love to say around 2-4 am, but all I know is I woke up at 6 am. Turns out you didn't get home till 9 so I'm kinda glad at 6 I went to my room and went to bed, but at the same time I'm really pissed off for doing that as I woke up at 11.

You told me that you missed me and sent me a picture yesterday, before I went out for the night. It was a picture of you on the beach, in the water just walking. You're so gorgeous it hurts to see what I've lost, you are my perfection.

I guess going out last night helped a bit, I saw some old friends I haven't seen in like a year and such. Got to see a mates band play too, they were really good. It made me want to pick up playing guitar again.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since 11, I really don't think you have any idea or even any understanding on what I'm going through, I emailed you last night telling you how much I wish we were laying together so I could be holding your hand kissing you, I'm guessing that hurt to read so you've just kinda ignored it. If it hurt to read then what does that mean? That you still have feelings for me and that you're trying to get over me but it hurts to remember how we were? Or maybe it hurts because you have no feelings for me, and it hurts because you feel guilty for leading me on?

I feel like cutting, I haven't cut in like 2 days, I guess it's more like 3 now? I can't even remember. I don't want to live without you, I don't want anything else, I don't want anyone else. I guess it's going to be another hard emotional day.

I love you, I have the scars to prove it.