Jaeu

One big beautiful daily accident.
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2009-08-16 19:40:08 (UTC)

My lovely.

I'm so in love with you. The slightest thought of you
makes me feel like dying. Maybe it's 'cause I know i'll
never be with you, or maybe it's because I know that one
day i'll never be able to hear your voice.

I hate seeing people that look like you, the same hair
colour or style, people that wear red. Every time I see
red I see you. This is such a shit situation to be in,
it's so stupid to think that the one thing that can make
everything go away would be just holding you in my arms.
Yet at the same time that's the reason why I feel like
this in the first place. I wish you'd just walk into my
room right now and tell me that you want me, that you need
me.

Do I need to be so badly hurt to start the process of
moving on? I mean the only time I feel like shit is when I
think of you, at first I smile and remember how amazing
you are, how amazing we were. Then I guess the whole, us
not together thing hits me and suddenly my mood is below
depressed, so I try not to think about you. Although all I
do is think about you, but it's like, how are you meant to
move on from something you never think about? In order to
start, surely I need to think about you. If I think about
you I feel like shit though, so what is this? Do I need to
hit a certain point of depression and pain over you until
I hate you for it? Do I have to hate you to move forward?
I don't understand.

I need to see you. I need to hear you breathe. I want to
see your beautiful smile and the way you concentrate on
the conversation when you're about to laugh. I need to see
the way you look at me, the way you do that thing with
your nose that you don't even realize you're doing. I need
to feel you clawing at my back and sides, I need to hear
you moan, I need you.

I'm burning like a bridge for your body, i'm sinking like
a stone in the sea.

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