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2009-08-16 19:40:08 (UTC)

My lovely.

I'm so in love with you. The slightest thought of you makes me feel like dying. Maybe it's 'cause I know I'll never be with you, or maybe it's because I know that one day I'll never be able to hear your voice.

I hate seeing people that look like you, the same hair colour or style, people that wear red. Every time I see red, I see you. This is such a shit situation to be in, it's so stupid to think that the one thing that can make everything go away would be just holding you in my arms. Yet at the same time that's the reason why I feel like this in the first place. I wish you'd just walk into my room right now and tell me that you want me, that you need me.

Do I need to be so badly hurt to start the process of moving on? I mean the only time I feel like shit is when I think of you, at first I smile and remember how amazing you are, how amazing we were. Then I guess the whole, us not together thing hits me and suddenly my mood is below depressed, so I try not to think about you. Although all I do is think about you, but it's like, how are you meant to move on from something you never think about? In order to start, surely I need to think about you. If I think about you I feel like shit though, so what is this Do I need to hit a certain point of depression and pain over you until I hate you for it? Do I have to hate you to move forward?

I don't understand.

I need to see you. I need to hear you breathe. I want to see your beautiful smile and the way you concentrate on the conversation when you're about to laugh. I need to see the way you look at me, the way you do that thing with your nose that you don't even realise you're doing. I need to feel you clawing at my back and sides, I need to hear you moan, I need you.

I'm burning like a bridge for your body, I'm sinking like a stone in the sea.