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2009-08-14 19:00:42 (UTC)

Anxiety chokes me like razor wire.

I'm feeling pretty anxious right now. Worrying over things that really, I don't even need to think about? My hearts beating fast and it's like, why? Does everyone do this? Is this normal? What even is normal?

It's truly beautiful that you can medicate me, you can drug me so much that I feel fucking numb, yet I'll still have these 'attacks'. With one simple motion, I can go from anxious, a racing heart, sweaty palms. To calm, a normal if not slow beating heart, a completely chilled mood and emotion. It's a good job I wear a watch and bracelets at work, or people might actually speak to me, like I'd want that.

We talked a bit today, you're always so busy, too busy for me. I wish I could be with you right now and tonight when you're out for Steph's 18th. I'm guessing we won't get to talk during or after work. I guess we could talk while I'm working, but I guess this goes back to the whole texting each other thing. The last few weeks I've text you at work and you've not text me back that night, or the night after and completely blanked the fact that I text you.

Maybe your ex had access to your phone and deleted the message, is that me being paranoid? I mean he's still in love with you, you're trying to be friends but you've never been friends, he's always manipulating you, controlling you. I wouldn't be surprised.

Do I text you at work? I know that on my break I'll check my phone and won't have a text off you, you'll give me some excuse as to why you didn't get in touch with me, I guess he'll be there with you, you'll probably end up in his arms.

I hope he bought you roses.