Jaeu

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2009-08-14 19:00:42 (UTC)

Anxiety chokes me like razor wire.

I'm feeling pretty anxious right now. Worrying over things
that really, I don't even need to think about? My hearts
beating fast and it's like, why? Does everyone do this? Is
this normal? What even is normal?

It's truly beautiful that you can medicate me, you can
drug me so much that I feel fucking numb, yet i'll still
have these 'attacks'. With one simple motion, I can go
from anxious, a racing heart, sweaty palms. To calm, a
normal if not slow beating heart, a completely chilled
mood and emotion. It's a good job I wear a watch and
bracelets at work, or people might actually speak to me,
like i'd want that.

We talked a bit today, you're always so busy, too busy for
me. I wish I could be with you right now, and tonight when
you're out for Steph's 18th. I'm guessing we won't get to
talk during or after work. I guess we could talk while i'm
working, but I guess this goes back to the whole texting
each other thing. The last few weeks i've text you at work
and you've not text me back that night, or the night after
and completely blanked the fact that I even emailed you.
Maybe your ex had access to your phone and deleted the
message, is that me being paranoid? I mean he's still in
love with you, you're trying to be friends but you've
never been friends, he's always manipulating you,
controlling you. I wouldn't be surprised.

Do I text you at work? I know that on my break i'll check
my phone and won't have a text off you, you'll give me
some excuses as to why you didn't get in touch with me, I
guess he'll be there with you, you'll probably end up in
his arms.

I hope he bought you roses.

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