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2009-08-11 03:27:00 (UTC)

The one thing that is keeping me alive is slowly destroying my life.

Today I slept. I spoke to you a little bit and then you just left without saying anything. You used to know me, all you needed to say was "talk later" or that you'd try to get back sooner so we could talk, but instead all you do is leave. Out of sight out of mind I guess.

It hurts waking up in tears, it hurts even more when the first thing you think about is the first person you're truly in love with, with someone else, or not knowing where they are because they've pretty much stopped talking to you.

I've been awake for maybe 20 minutes now and I've already cut multiple times. Can't you see what you're doing to me? Are you that selfish that you just.. Maybe I'm the selfish one? Maybe instead of thinking about you the second I wake up until the second I fall asleep, then dream about you. Maybe I shouldn't be thinking or dreaming about you at all? Maybe I should be getting over you, like you're already progressing so well with.

I don't think I'm ever going to trust anyone again. At least not with my heart. 12 days since I gave you my virginity and you were already back fucking your ex. What about the plans we made? What about our love? I don't see the point in anything anymore, when someone you care about so much can be so brutal. There's no good in this life, my heart feels sick.

So this is continuous happiness. You know, I always imagined it something more.