Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2009-06-29 08:41:06 (UTC)

Rhyme, Reason or Rational

Yet another week of not writing, after I vowed to start
being diligent again. Shame on me, but nothing too
remarkable was missed.

On Tuesday I turned 27, so happy belated birthday to me.
It was a normal day up until the evening. As my birthday
present Amy gave me a night of free babysitting. I didn't
really have anywhere to go or anyone to go anywhere with,
so I took myself out. I ended up going to the casino and
playing on my favorite slot machine. I won $65. Not too
bad. Not as great as the first time I went, but I consider
anything over what I walked in with a lucky score. I can
see how people become addicted to it. I'm conservative. I
put $20 on my little club card and only play the nickel
slots. Not too much harm can be done that way.

The rest of the week I worked, suffered through yet
another cold (two in one month, unusual for me) and found
the perfect dress for Snookums' homecoming (which is
tomorrow). It's tight, strapless and cheetah. Even after
losing 50 pounds I feel a little self-aware in it. I won't
say self-conscious because I do think I look good in it,
but it's a little more racy than I usually dress and
paired with snakeskin stiletto gladiator pumps, it's
definitely... eye-catching. I described the outfit to
Snookums and told him that I was having second thoughts
about wearing it, but he insisted that I do. I've worked
so hard to get back into shape, there's nothing wrong with
showing it off a little :) His words, not mine. I bought a
lightweight black cardigan to wear over it (it suits the
dress, but I can't explain it) since it's going to be in
the 60's most of the day and it will help me feel a little
less naked.

Today I spent the bulk of my time procrastinating on
getting the house in order. I want it to be perfect for
when Snookums comes home, but I kept getting distracted by
other things. Not to mention Annie and Kiki had a parade
of children traipsing through for most of the day. My
house has turned into an extension of the youth and teen
center here in Jackson Park. It's to the point where I
have to keep in mind the neighborhood kids when I go
grocery shopping, because if one gets a Popsicle, so must
them all. I have gotten the house done (and it's only
1:30am, wow). But I still have laundry to do. I don't
think it matters much. I'll do it whenever.

I feel funny. Not ha ha funny, but weird funny. I have so
many emotions going on right now and I don't understand
why. I should be ecstatic. MY HUSBAND IS COMING HOME!!!!
I've missed him so much, I've lived so long without him.
I've carried the burden of raising our children, running
our household, working my job and getting back in shape
(which any woman who's done it will say is emotionally and
physically taxing). I'm on the verge of tears and I can't
figure out if it's sheer relief (this is almost over) or
PMS (which has no rhyme, reason or rational what-so-ever).
I'm exhausted, but I feel like sleep is not coming tonight
(I just know that feeling - the feeling I get right before
I accept I'm about to stay up all night). Emotions are
complicated and sometimes I hate trying to understand
them. Why do I want to cry when I should be abundantly
happy? Why am I anxious, apprehensive and a little worried
about having my Snookums home? I WANT him home! I NEED him
home! I've been counting down the days until this moment
for the last 5 1/2 months! Sometimes I think I'm too
complex for my own good... Ciao.




Ad: