Interrupted
My Life Thus Far
Cranky At Humanity
I'm writing early tonight because as soon as Sandy picks
up the boys I'm going to bed. I'm worn out, pissed off and
sore. None of which has anything to do with the children.
I don't need a reason. I just am.
The Stennis pulled into port today. Hawaii. American soil!
Which means that Snookums' cell phone works without
hellacious roaming charges, so I've gotten half a dozen
phone calls today. Lovely, because I LOVE hearing from
him. Annoying because my days are structured and busy and
I don't have a lot of time to chat. I know, I sound like a
bad Navy wife. This is just how it is. I'm expected to
function when he's gone and I've gotten it down to a
science. I'd rather make it through our separation
successfully and then have long conversations about
anything and everything when he gets home. I've never been
much for long phone calls - even as a teenager. In 1 month
and 1 day, he'll be home... We'll talk then.
I nearly killed myself at the gym today... It was amazing.
Now that I know exactly when Snookums will be home, I also
know exactly when I want to reach my goal weight. Since
I'm unwilling to starve myself, I'm not confident that
I'll reach that goal (150) considering I'm 17 pounds away
from it. 17 pounds in 1 month is far too much to ask of my
body. I've been so diligent. So good. I'm slightly
disappointed that in 6 months I couldn't lose 44 pounds.
But not too disappointed. It was an uphill struggle
against hormonal imbalances and minor injuries. I'm proud
of the progress I've made so far. Don't count me out just
yet, though. I do still have 32 days.
I'm not sure why I'm so pissed off. I just am. I'm cranky
at humanity and I'm doing my best not to take it out on
the kids, even though it seems like they're testing my
patience left and right. They can sense weakness, like
animals. James is testing me. Yesterday he ran from me,
today he threw Kiki's puppy on top of the carport. One
minute he's sweet the next minute he's doing something
bad. His mother warned me about him, but now I'm starting
to see it. Tonight is the last night, though. She's
interviewing prospective sitters tomorrow.
For the past couple weeks my neck and shoulder muscles
have been so sore. I can't figure out if it's the way I'm
sleeping, if I'm not stretching enough at the gym or what.
It's aggravating. Why is it that I always have some kind
of nit-picking little ache or pain at all times? For once
I'd love to wake up in the morning and nothing on me hurt.
If pain is a constant reminder that I'm still living, then
I got the message! I'm alive! Okay! 11pm needs to get here
faster... Ciao.
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