Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2009-05-15 06:38:10 (UTC)

It Wasn't Even That Juicy

I've been making it a daily practice to verbally tell
myself each and every morning that I'm going to have a
good day. There's nothing stopping this day from being a
great one. Something about verbalizing that mantra makes
it tangible and therefore more likely to happen. Instead
of sitting back and taking whatever comes to me and
reacting towards it, I'm taking control of my fate - my
destiny, if you will - and making out of it what I want it
to be. Even if all I want is to have a good day. It's
working. Today was lovely :)

For some reason I had a really hard time at the gym today.
It's not uncommon for me to have a little trouble getting
started when I first get on the machine, but today I got
30 minutes into my 60 minutes of cardio and I still hadn't
gotten into my groove. I seriously considered stopping and
calling it good, but I hate doing that. I hate giving in
to my frivolous whims. Caving in to the slightest
temptation or hint of weakness. Sometimes it's hard to
talk myself through the moment, but for the most part I'm
successful. I stuck it out and finished the last 30
minutes. I did finally find my groove and when it was done
I felt really proud of myself. I tried to convince myself
that being big is okay and I'm beautiful no matter my
size, but to be perfectly honest with myself, I'm not
happy heavier. I don't think I look good heavy and I like
being thin far more. I'll never be a waif, but I can be
fit and healthy and that's how I want to live. Forever.

I had an awkward moment during my break tonight. I went to
Baskin Robbins to get my usual (a single scoop of
Raspberry Cheese Louise frozen yogurt and a large Diet
Pepsi) and since it was dead at the mall, I got to talking
with the boy. Well, he's not a boy, but he might as well
be since I've known him since he was just a kid at the
teen center. That's how I still see him. Anyhow, he asked
me to go out for drinks with him tonight. I politely
declined, but it was weird. He knows I'm married and I'm 6
years older than him (Snookums is 6 years older than me,
but I'm okay with that double standard). It won't change
the way I treat him or act towards him, but it was
slightly uncomfortable. I'm trying to be on my best
behavior and the boy is attractive... Jezebel! I can't let
myself think thoughts like that even for a moment! I'm
well aware of my weaknesses and men are one of them.

I found out a juicy itty bit of gossip from a girl I used
to work with! She now works at the Clinique counter in
Macy's. I stopped in to see her during my lunch just to
chat. She commented on how much weight I've lost and how
she wants to lose weight as soon as her baby is born
(she's 6 months pregnant). We got to talking about working
out and I told her about my Y membership. She asked if I
knew Malachi and I told her yes. He was the one who gave
me the tour and signed me up. I see him almost daily.
Well, turns out he's the father of her baby! She had a
little fling with him and even though they're not together
and have no intention of getting together, he's still kind
of a part of her life. Scandalous :) He's hot (in a Taye
Diggs kind of way) and she's a beautiful girl (fair skin,
green eyes, exotic features). They're going to have one
handsome baby boy. That's all the gossip I've got. It
wasn't even that juicy... Ciao!




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