Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2009-04-02 07:19:31 (UTC)

Blah Kind Of Stupor

Snookums' cousin died last week in a car accident. Their
grandmother called and left me a message. Stan and Lorena
live about 30 miles away, but we never see or talk to
them, so I was surprised to hear from her. Dan isn't close
to his family and therefore Jason isn't close to them
either, but for some reason Sue keeps trying to MAKE us
close. Why does she care? Dan divorced her and I don't see
how it's any of her concern. I'm kind of pissed that she
gave them my phone number again, when I asked her not to
do that after she gave them our home number in Poulsbo and
in Port Orchard. This time she gave them my cell (because
we don't have a land line anymore), which I've had for
over 5 years and have no intention of changing, but now
they have a way of bothering me because they know I have
Dan's number and they haven't talked to him in over 30
years. It's a long story why that side of the family is
off limits, one Dan swore me to secrecy about. I wasn't
even allowed to tell Jason (to this day I don't know if
Snookums knows why he never saw his aunt, uncle, cousins
or paternal grandparents growing up). It's not my place to
talk about it, so I won't. I feel bad for them. I only met
Jason's cousin Ryan once 6 years ago at a family BBQ. I
feel nothing for him and death doesn't bother me, so I'm
not sad or anything. I feel more sympathy for his
survivors because they loved him. Snookums will be
ambivalent, he never cared for Ryan (from what he told
me). I can't tell Snookums right now because the ship's
communications are down. I tried sending him a couple
emails and they sent them back. So, I'll have to wait
until he contacts me. I hate being separated. I'm so fed
up with it.

My day was average. Even my workout couldn't totally
uplift me from my blah kind of stupor. I've kind of been
in a crappy mood most of the day. Mainly because I'm
missing Snookums and I'm having my own personal pity
party. It's so unfair!!!! Everywhere I turned today I saw
couples together. Together in their cars, sitting in
traffic. Working out together at the gym. Shopping
together at work. I suppose I only noticed all the couples
around me because I was hyper-sensitive about it, but it
still amplified my internal feelings of: IT'S NOT FAIR,
IT'S NOT FAIR, IT'S NOT FAIR!!!! I want my Snookums back :
(

I don't want to write about my oh-so-ordinary day. I'm not
upset that it was ordinary. It wasn't a bad day. I'm just
kind of mopey right now. So lonely... Ciao.




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