Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2009-03-04 06:23:58 (UTC)

I Think It's Worth It

I'd only set out to accomplish two things today. 1) Get
the house cleaned up (a never-ending, thankless endeavour
I embark upon pretty much every day or at least every
other day) and 2) my doctor's appointment. I completed
both tasks.

The house wasn't in terrible condition. It just didn't
meet my standards for a first-time visit. Rebecca offered
to watch the children for me today, but she's never been
to my house. I don't know why I set standards so high for
myself. When I looked around the house all I could see was
the subtle imperfections. Scuffs from Snookums' boots on
the baseboards, kitty fur on the couches, speckles of dust
on the book shelves. I didn't have the energy to power-
clean, so I did what I could before she got here. When she
came in I apologized for the house not being clean in
advance (before she had a chance to look around). Rebecca
walked into the living room and said "what are you talking
about? It's immaculate". Then she was totally distracted
by the water view. Why can't I see what other's see? In
daylight, the place always looks dirty to me. Then again,
after 18 months of living anywhere I'm always ready to
move again. After we've lived anywhere for about that long
I start to feel like I can't get it as clean as it was the
day we moved in. It's crazy, I know.

My appointment was both what I expected and not what I
expected. I don't have Hashimoto's (which is good. I don't
have to take replacement hormones), but some of my levels
are abnormal. My liver enzymes are low (maybe due to
pregnancy), my protein levels are low (probably from being
vegetarian and not being more focused on getting it from
other sources, but I'm not anemic. That's good) and my
cortisol and DHEA levels are high. My doctor says I have
Adrenal Fatigue, which I'd never heard of, but apparently
the symptoms mimic those of hypothyroidism. She wanted to
put me on low dose hydrocortisone therapy and back on
antidepressants/anti-anxiety meds (how many times do I
have to tell people I'm not depressed!!!!), but I don't
want to do that. In my mind, the side effects outweigh the
benefits. I'll find a more homeopathic treatment on my
own. She gave me a referral to the nutritionist to help me
improve my protein intake. I probably won't go, but that
was nice of her. I'll just try to be more mindful on my
own. Or maybe eat some chicken once in awhile or
something. Even if now I have a name for what's wrong, I
still don't really feel like I've gotten anywhere. I'm
thinking I should go see a naturopath. The lady at the
health food store I like knows of a few in the area, I
talked with her about it just last week. Tricare (the
military's health care) doesn't cover "alternative
medicine", so it would be out-of-pocket, but I think it's
worth it.

While I was there and had my doctor held captive, I asked
her to take a look at my wrist. It's been bothering me
lately and has developed a lovely rock-hard bump right at
the base of my wrist. Every time I move my hand it hurts.
I'm such a wreck... She pushed at it, flexed my wrist a
few times and said, "it's a Ganglion Cyst". What is it
with me and cysts? This my third cyst of some form in two
years. A Bartholin Cyst, a Baker's Cyst and now a Ganglion
Cyst? If I were a horse, somebody would have put me down
by now.

Since everything is all neat and tidy and there's
nothing left for me to do, I think I'll retire to my bed.
I'm so very very tired and headachy. Ciao.




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