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Maelstrom143, By Sun or Candlelight
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2009-02-04 11:57:15 (UTC)

Don't Nag.

You know how, sometimes, when the boys do some chore,
either cause you asked them to do it or because they chose
to do it, you nag and berate, pointing out how they could
have done it better? You know how upsetting I find this
behavior?
You have asked me why and I've never given you an answer...
well, the answer is simple. I've been in their shoes.
Growing up, whenever I would do chores trying to help out,
so often I hoped for a simple "thanks" or "good job!" but
all that I got back was criticism and harshness. The yelling
and belittling made me sorry I even bothered. It made it so
that I eventually avoided doing anything at all. After all,
if I was going to be verbally, and sometimes even
physically, abused I might as well earn it, right?
These are kids and they are kids for such a very short time.
Five years from now who cares that they used too much soap
or that they spilled some water on the floor. Ten years from
now, I will remember the hurt looks on their faces as the
happiness evaporated as your criticism wiped the smiles from
their eyes. That is what will be remembered. So often, the
small peccadilloes that grownups make such a big fuss over
are forgotten, but not the reaction or the psychological
pain inflicted on everyone unlucky enough to have partaken
of the scene.
When they wash the dishes or clean up something...whatever,
just say THANK YOU and let it go at that. They will learn to
do it better...eventually. Yet, the happiness a simple thank
you brings to the heart of a child is worth having to shell
out for an extra bottle of soap or whatever. Just say thank
you and let it go...or do it yourself and don't bother the kid.
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