Interrupted

My Life Thus Far
2009-02-04 08:35:29 (UTC)

This Shit Wears Me Down

I haven't had a full day at home since Thursday of last
week and I won't get to stay home tomorrow. It's like I've
been living in the car for almost a week solid. I guess I
shouldn't complain. There are plenty of people in the
world with long commutes, full-time jobs and other
unpleasant circumstances in their lives. I've just been
shopping, running errands (like getting the computer
fixed, paying bills), going out with friends, working (a
job I love) and buying my husband gifts for his care
package. Hardly unpleasant, but I'm still tired and I'm
looking forward to Thursday. I should be able to be home
all day on Thursday. Tomorrow I need to return a couple
things to Target (a shirt that didn't fit right and some
jewelry that doesn't work with the outfit I'd intended it
for) and I'm also going to take Snookums' package to the
Post Office.

I miss Snookums. I haven't heard from him in 9 days now. I
know that isn't a terribly long time, but it's the longest
they've ever prevented him from contacting us. I have to
admit. This shit wears me down. Everyday someone commends
me on how strong I am (please don't take that as an insult
if you've ever done this, I appreciate the compliment),
but in all reality what choice do I have? I can either
keep going or I can fall apart. I've tried the latter and
it sucks. It never works out well, so my only option is to
keep going. To wake up every day, live the day the best I
can and do it all over again. Over and over and over again
until eventually my husband comes home. Maybe if it were
just me I'd have time to cry and dwell on how shitty the
circumstances are, but I've got kids that expect to be
taken care of and that keeps me going. I don't want to
imagine how hard this would be if I were all alone.

I had some babysitter issues today. I love Amy, don't get
me wrong, but when I hired her I made it very clear what
my expectations of her as my sitter would be. I told her
what I wanted, how I wanted it done, when I wanted it done
and how much I would pay her to do it. At least once a
month there's an issue. Today, an hour before I had to be
to work, she calls to tell me that she can't come to my
house to watch the kids. I have to bring them to her. Why?
Her answer was because a boy was bothering her at school
and he knows she lives in Jackson Park, so she doesn't
want to walk home alone at 10pm. Fair enough, but as her
employer I think it's up to her and her family to decide
how she'll get to and from work. I shouldn't have to be
majorly inconvenienced because of her personal problems.
It would have been a lot easier for her aunt to take 3
minutes out of her life to come pick Amy up at 10pm, than
it was for me to round up three kids and all their crap to
get them there and then have to wake them up two and a
half hours past their bedtime to bring them home and then
spend another hour trying to get them all back to sleep.
Kiki cried for half an hour because of the disruption. By
the time I got all three kids down it was after 11:30pm.
That's bull shit. I told Amy tonight that this better not
be a habit. I'm not obligated to keep her on as my sitter.
There are plenty of other teenaged girls around here that
would like to make $400 a month while sitting on their
ass. All I ask is that she sticks to the very easy
routine... and do things my way. Is that so much to ask? I
don't get complimented on my well-behaved, well-adjusted
children because I don't run a tight ship. Kids need
structure and I'm not having their sense of security and
well-being compromised so I can go to work. I'll quit
before I let that happen, but I shouldn't have to do that.
This shit also wears me down.

Speaking of work, it was good. It was much busier than I
expected it to be for a Tuesday, but that was good. We
made all but one segment and we made up what me missed it
by in the next segment. We made the entire day by 6pm.
Credit was good, conversion was good. All our indicators
were right on target. I like those kinds of nights. My
only complaint was the clean-up. I didn't need anyone to
tell me our focus this floor set was panties, because it
was obvious. There were 9 panty tables, 6 panty walls, not
to mention countless drawer bases of panties. Panties,
panties everywhere! I swear by the end of the night I was
ready to have a panty bonfire. I wish the day shifts would
straighten panties during the day. That really would make
it easier on the closers, but I'm not a dreamer. I don't
see that happening.

I'm exhausted and damn near starving. It's after midnight
and I haven't eaten since Gen and I had coffee this
morning (a slice of banana bread and fruit). I need food.
Ciao.




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